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Some people think that boarding schools are an exellent option for children, while others disagree

UkiUsman 1 / -  
Oct 5, 2017   #1
Some people think that boarding schools are an exellent option for children, while other people disagree for a number of reasons.
Consider both sides of this debate and reach a conclusion

boarding school? not for all

In recent years, many young people study in boarding school where they live and stay at the school environtment during the term. It is often said that parents benefit from sending their children to other place to study. However, the issue is not entirely straightforward, and arguments can also be made againt the idea. This essay will discuss the debate, and give a conclusing view.

On the one hand, those who support their children to study in boarding school cite the various advantages that the activity can bring to a child. First, pupil can learn about how to live independently. Obviously, it will useful for them in their future to solve many problem by theirself. In addition, children who live in one place with their friends can discuss about the learning that they just got in school. Therefore, some parents think that boarding school is an exellent option for children to study

By contrast, opponents of this view point out that not all children want to stay far away from their parents. A large number of parents believe that they have responsibility to teach children by themself until become adult. They think that it can be harmful for kids to stay in another place without their supervision. As an instance, children could be more lazy to study without motivation from parents. Thus, the drawbacks should be consedered as well.

In conclusion, it seems advisable that the decision to send children to boarding school should be based on child's capability and interest, an also the quality of the boarding school itself to guarantee proper life and supporting environtment to study.

(269 word)

Please give me feedbacks and comments (and also aproximately band descriptor :D )

Holt - / 7,529 2001  
Oct 5, 2017   #2
Marzuki, the most likely score for this essay will be a 5. I am basing that band score on the fact that the positions your express throughout the essay difficult to understand because of the lack of proper sentence structure and grammar development. These spelling, wrong vocabulary usage, and presentation problems led to the low score. There is no problem with your comprehension skills. The problems come, when you try to express yourself in English. You have a problem spelling the words, which leads to difficulty for the reader. For example, in the first paragraph, you said; "conclusing" instead of "concluding. These sorts of errors could be typographical in nature and unintended on your part, but will definitely have an adverse effect on your final score in the specific section it refers to. In this case, that would be the LR and GRA sections. You also cannot say "theirself". The correct term is "themselves". Other spelling problems are:

Exellent - Excellent
Consedered - Considered
Environtment - Environment

You also need to learn to properly use connecting words such as "the" and "a". If possible, practice simple sentence development exercises. There are available exercises online that can help you do that.
Memduh 4 / 10 1  
Oct 5, 2017   #3
I assume that this short essay is for the IELTS test which asks students to show their competency in writing clear, well-understood English. Therefore, you should pay more attention to the grammar, punctuation, and correct spelling of words.

The introduction lacks smooth transition from one sentence to another, consider re-writing it again to become more connected.
exellent is excellent

Obviously, it will useful for them in their future to solve many problem by theirself. should be :in the future, it could be useful for them to solve many problems by themselves.

As an instance ;; for an instance

good luck
LadyOfClockwork 25 / 78 20  
Oct 22, 2017   #4
Hi, I'd like to give you an paraphrase of the prompt where "boarding school" is left out:

many young people study....
=> Some people believe it a perfect choice for children to take up residence on a campus when school is in session. Yet others beg to differ on various grounds.

Here, I provide a definition of "boarding school" and use a synonym of "reasons".

4. grounds Factors forming a basis for action or the justification for a belief.
'there are some grounds for optimism'

Reference: en.oxforddictionaries/definition/ground
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
Oct 22, 2017   #5
Helloo Usman, you have met the IELTS criteria when it comes to writing task 2. This essay has covered the overall structure: an introduction, body paragraphs and a conclusion. However, major flaws appear somewhere around. Let me come up with the idea of how you paraphrase the opening paragraph. In this part, you fail to show that you are good at paraphrasing. A strong paraphrasing starts with the second ideas, while some students take the idea from the third or fourth one. Starting with the first idea, taking an example of what you have done and what most IELTS sites teach students, is too generic in IELTS essays, and thus this way will score the IELTS candidates less than a 6 in TR. If you still keep the same, then you will be in the same boat. Here is an example of a succinct introductory paragraph with a powerful paraphrasing skill: Children are suggested staying on-school housing. Some argue that this helps develop independently while the reverse will be true for those who believe that this tends to set a limit of parental surveillance. Although this initiative teaches them to be more independent, it proves that this will continue to transform public favoring less surveillance, and therefore leads to a very real danger to anyone under the age of 17. . Please peruse my sample more closely, take the advantage with it, and attempt to create the new one. Once you have worked on this, I will turn out more valuable insights.

Hope this helps :D

- Eddy Suaib.
IELTS Teacher at English Studio Kampung Inggris

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