Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 7

[IELTS]Some people think that children should be studying all the mandatory subjects


pmuji999 1 / 1  
Jul 29, 2017   #1
Some people think that children should be studying all the mandatory subjects until the age of ten, while others believe they should have an option to select favourite subjects to study. What is your opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your experience.

subjects choice for children



Some people believe children before ten years old could choose the subjects what they are interested because it's the best to learn anything. However, in my perspective, children should learn mandatory subjects firstly and then they have more choices to select the favorite subjects in the future.

Young children have great learning abilities to obtain knowledge quickly. Instead of spending time on what they are interested, they should focus on general subjects such as mathematics, language, science, history, and geography. Knowing how the world works is important to prepare them to communicate and cooperate with other people. For instance, a child just likes to study math but he abandons language course. Although he is extremely talented in math, he couldn't find a job because of lack of communication skills. If they don't study basic subject such as geography, they don't even know the geography their own country and even the whole picture of the world. How do they survive without basic knowledge?

In majority children, they don't know their favorite subjects so learning mandatory subjects is great access to inspire the main stuffs they would like to develop.Nevertheless, if the children have passion on specific subjects, there are lots of methods to approach it. Firstly, they can take up after class time to study it. Secondly, joining some school's clubs is a way to extend their enthusiasm. Finally, consolidation on basic knowledge is beneficial for them to get more selection in the future.

In summary, compared to select the favorite subjects, studying mandatory provide more opportunities for children when they are in the age they can choose.

klarashati 1 / 3  
Jul 29, 2017   #2
it meets the requirement for ielts test task 2. i like the essay because it discusses briefly from the first paragraph, and it is supported by some points or examples. then, in the end of essays, it provides conclusion that mention first what the other side talked. but in my opinion, i don't know whether including question in your essay is necessary or not.
ravatrav 2 / 3 2  
Jul 30, 2017   #3
Dear Karen, I don't think you should use any contractions in a formal essay such as the one you wrote above. Instead, actual words usage is encouraged. Write "do not" instead of "don't", "it is" instead of "it's". Also, I think you missed several prepositions and articles in some parts of your writing. A phrasal verb usage will do your essay some good instead of writing a single verb, for example, the sentence "they are interested" will look better if it is written as " they are interested in". Another crucial thing to point out is that you should not include any questions in your essay. You are answering a question, so when you add another one in it, then you have to give an answer or an explanation to what you wrote, and sometimes, this could lead to a complicated answer and possibly an out-of-topic writing. The last thing, avoid using too many "just" for it can make your essay looks less formal. Good luck.
Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Jul 30, 2017   #4
Karen, when it comes to presenting the paraphrased discussion of the essay, I can say that you did a poor job on it. That is because you did not follow the rudimentary requirements of the opening statement which are:

1. A proper paraphrasing of the prompt based upon your understanding of the discussion topic;
2. The discussion requirement of the prompt;
3. The type of discussion you are expected to present.

An example is:

There is a school of thought that believes that children should study only mandatory subjects until the age of ten. However, there are some who believe that the students should be given the option to study only their selected favorite subjects. In this essay, I will be discussing my opinion regarding my opinion on the topic using supporting examples from my personal experience.

Now, in the essay body, you decided to discuss a compare and contrast essay instead of an opinion essay. That is not the correct approach. Based on the prompt instruction, you were only supposed to discuss your personal opinion from the very start, using the body paragraphs to support your opinion. Now, because you did not present the required discussion, the essay that you wrote will show that you did not understand the discussion instructions. Therefore, your essay will not get a passing score in the end. The minute you fail the task accuracy portion, that is based upon your ability to understand English instructions, there is no possibility that you can pass this test.
OP pmuji999 1 / 1  
Jul 30, 2017   #5
Thanks for your advises. I will keep work on it to pass the test.
weijoanshih 1 / 1  
Jul 30, 2017   #6
... because it's the best to learn everything anything.

How do they survive without basic knowledge? --> They may not be able to survive without basic knowledge.
AnnieLZY 3 / 5 1  
Jul 31, 2017   #7
Hi Karen, there are some grammar mistakes in your essay and I've corrected a few. Remember to proofread your essay in the exam if you have time, as too much grammar or spelling mistakes will let you lose marks.

... as geography, they don'twill not even know the geography of their own country

In summary, compared to selecting the favorite subjects, studying mandatory provides more opportunities for ...


Home / Writing Feedback / [IELTS]Some people think that children should be studying all the mandatory subjects