IELTS Essay Some people think that having a set retirement age (65 years) for everybody is unfair

Some people think that having a set retirement age (65 years) for everybody is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive pension at an earlier age?

Do you agree or disagree ?
What types of worker should get early retirement?

Give reasons to your answer and include relevant example from your knowledge and experience

the ideal retirement age

When it comes to decide what should be the ideal retirement age, different people have different views. Some believe every individual should retire after 65 years, regardless to his profession, while others maintain employees working for longer hours and in tough environmental conditions must retire at early age and receive pension benefits. I completely support the idea that authorities must consider the type of work to fix the retirement age.

First of all, Army personnel and defence staff always work for more 15 hours a day. Moreover, their job demands high standard of physical fitness and alertness. With such requirements one cannot work after 45 years whereas doctors and advocate could practice even at 65. Thus army men should get retire earlier.

Similarly, workers, working in mining industries such as coal mining, have to work in awful work conditions needs special consideration. Furthermore, such surroundings pose a serious threat to workers' health, For instance, in 2010 world health organization published a report that presented every year 1 million employees especially from mining business are diagnosed with lung cancer and the reason is inhalation of coal ashes. Hence, if mining workers are forced to work at their later age then their life expectancy would fall much shorter so they must retire earlier as compare to other professionals such as teachers.

In conclusion, it is the best approach to consider nature of the job for deciding the retirement age. As some types of workforce such as security and mining workers need special attention because of hazardous and tough working conditions which could have detrimental affect on their health so government should plan their early retirement.

Apart from feedback please rate this essay as per the ielts general BAND from 1-9.

.., Army personnels and defence staffs ...

... detrimental effect ...

And you can replace the quoting part by stating your own opinions because you may not remember the details of report during the test. So, just express your views.

Nancy, for the TA section of this essay you can only score a 5 due to a missing discussion element. You did not represent a job that could have the worker doing the same job until the age of 65. The task 2 essay is always a 5 paragraph presentation. Presenting 4 paragraphs only works to benefit the student in the Task 1 essays. In the Task 2 essay, you lose points when you do not complete the expected 5 paragraph presentation. That is because you did not adequately represent all the expected prompt discussions in your presentation. The reason why you have to represent the retirement age of 65 in the essay is simple. In your thesis statement, you indicated that" I completely support the idea that authorities must consider the type of work to fix the retirement age." thus requiring your presentation to indicate a sample of an occupation that will allow the worker to stay on the job until the age of 65. Your opening statement and concluding statement are strong. It was your actual discussion that was weak and limited in approach. As for the rest of the scoring elements, I would have given you the following score as an examiner:

TA - 5
C&C - 6
LR - 6
GRA - 5