Unanswered [14] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

"Many people think there is an increase of antisocial behavior and a lack of respect to others."


anhtran98 1 / -  
Mar 7, 2021   #1
Many people think there is an increase of antisocial behavior and a lack of respect to others.

What do you think are the causes of this and how to improve the situation?



In recent years, it has been increasingly common to see people behave impolitely and disrespectfully to each other. This trend is caused by several reasons regarding problems in one's life and education environment. This essay will help to find feasible solutions in order to mitigate these situations.

The cause of various matters of a lack of politeness is bitterness and frustration from human's life, especially in working. Workers sometimes have work disputes with others about essential projects. It happens when there is too much pressure for people if they work overtime and get prolonged stress from their co - workers and boss. As a result, they could be able to release anger on their family by lashing them out. Another issue is that people might not be well - educated when they were young. In other words, if parents educate their kids well, they can get a certain decency of behaviour and attitude.

There are several actions that could be taken to solve the problems. First, a calm conversation is one of the best viable ways to stay away from conflicts. It means that people could set for themselves some discussion standards or develop a rudeness filter to avoid attacking others by words uncontrollably. A second measure would be learning how to keep calm and be kind to another. In particular, there are many soft skill classes for people to control their feelings and prevent inconsiderate behaviours toward others. Last but not least, family is the first socialization environment for children so education plays a vital role in this situation.

In conclusion, prolonged stress and lack of education are the main reason for rude behaviour. Nevertheless, there are possible measures that can be taken to deal with the problems regarding having a calm talk, learning how to express emotion and being well - educated from a family environment.

(304 words)

P/S I'm just a beginner and my aim Writing score is 7.0. I really need your feedback to improve. Thank you very much.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,535 3447  
Mar 8, 2021   #2
In the prompt restatement, you are offering a factual statement rather than a representation of your understanding of the original discussion topic. What is provided for your interpretation is a questionable opinion from a public perspective. The repetition should follow those lines without changing the "questionable" aspect of the topic presentation. You could have better restated this as:

A portion of the population speculate that there is a growing trend towards unsociable conduct and impoliteness towards one another. I believe that this is caused by 2 reasons namely; ... The matter can be remedied through...

In the causes paragraph ( paragraph 2 ), you are over discussing the topic. This caused you to use 2 fully developed and related reasons and one under developed and little explored topic. Since the essay will be scored on Cohesiveness and Coherence, you should stick only 2 related discussion topics in a single paragraph. That is not impossible to do. You already did it for the first 2 reasons which are working overtime and stress.

Kindly notice how I restated the original topic without changing the original information. I merely changed the keywords and interpreted the topic based on my understanding of the original topic. Then I used 2 sentences to create my thesis presentation covering the causes and solutions/improvements with regards to the topic.


Home / Writing Feedback / "Many people think there is an increase of antisocial behavior and a lack of respect to others."