Through the progression of time, the issues regarding private health care have become controversial. It is important to maintain a balanced awareness. As a way of doing so, this essay will weigh both advantages and disadvantages of this issue
Not a very impressive introduction :( I have provided you with a structure for the intro in one of your previous essays. Had you followed it, then you'd come with a more catchy start.
As a way of doing so, this essay will weigh both advantages and disadvantages of this issue.
Instead of this you could have expressed your view about the issue. That will help you to take others in your desired direction :D
To begin with, no one can deny that profit-making companies have an important role in the field of medicine.
This sentence does not mean much sense. I think the vocabulary you have used tend to give a different meaning to that. Also, you do not have a proper alignment with your prompt.
Finally, I have a small admin request for you - Post your essay into the right forum, namely "Writing Feedback". Also, have a meaningful title in the subject field when you open a new thread.