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Some people think that increasing business and cultural contacts have positive influences


Bobbypark 3 / 8  
Nov 14, 2013   #1
Some people think that increasing business and cultural contacts have positive influences on development; others think that it has negative effects on national identities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Through the progression of time, the issues regarding the increased interaction between countries have become controversial. It is important to maintain a balanced awareness. As way of doing so, this essay will not only present the positive and negative effects of this situation but also reveal a personal opinion.

To begin with, no one can deny the development of technology has had a positive impact on the society such as commutation. For example, as taking flights helps citizens commute easily to other nations, a number of the tourists from different places are likely to come to the country. Therefore, this could alleviate the problem for citizens who desire to learn different cultures as well as languages. Due to this fact, they would be able to save a remarkable deal of money. From this reasoning, the increased interaction between nations is likely to benefit the society.

However, as with any form of implementation, drawbacks concurrently exist with benefits. Due to the different cultures, citizens from different nations may have a different way on behavior, which is likely to lead to a cultural clash. For instance, when it comes to greeting, bowing is the way Koreans do. However, this may be rare to see in Western countries and just hand shaking would be considered a bad attitude in Korea. From this reasoning, different cultures may be able to cause a conflict between nations.

This negative impact is realistically avoidable by the fact that people from different nations could be equipped with various knowledge and skills that can be combined and utilized in the country. This situation would be not only able to help the economy of the country but also help employees share the knowledge and skills with each other.

To sum up, in considering both sides of the argument, it is clear that this essay has reveled significant supporting reasons for the claim that increasing business and cultural contacts have a positive impact on the country for the easy way to learn different cultures and languages. However, its negative impact has been shown to be limited by sharing knowledge and skills between citizens from different places.
gabbie 9 / 19 3  
Nov 14, 2013   #2
no one can deny the development of technology has had a positive impact on the society such as commutation .

no one can deny that
commutation means the act of making punishment less severe -> in this case, it's wrong

as with any form of implementation , drawbacks concurrently exist with benefits.

reveled

revealed

To sum up, in considering both sides of the argument, it is clear that this essay has reveled significant supporting reasons for the claim that increasing business and cultural contacts have a positive impact on the country for the easy way to learn different cultures and languages. However, its negative impact has been shown to be limited by sharing knowledge and skills between citizens from different places.

So where is your opinion. The prompt ask you to discuss then give your own opinion about this not give solution to reduce the negative impact
OP Bobbypark 3 / 8  
Nov 15, 2013   #3
commutation is the travel of a commuter. What u said was also part of the meaning of this word.

On top of that, my opinion is the third paragraph..
Pahan 1 / 1904 553  
Nov 15, 2013   #4
your prompt -

Some people think that increasing business and cultural contacts have positive influences on development; others think that it has negative effects on national identities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Your introduction -

Through the progression of time, the issues regarding the increased interaction between countries have become controversial. It is important to maintain a balanced awareness. As way of doing so, this essay will not only present the positive and negative effects of this situation but also reveal a personal opinion.

Here, you do not talk anything about the specific aspects ( business and cultural contacts) that you prompt mentions. The main objective of the introduction is to introduce your prompt to the reader and therefore your intro should be well aligned with the prompt. I suggest you to follow the structure that dumi suggests for the introduction.
dumi 1 / 6924 1592  
Nov 15, 2013   #5
Through the progression of time, the issues regarding private health care have become controversial. It is important to maintain a balanced awareness. As a way of doing so, this essay will weigh both advantages and disadvantages of this issue

Not a very impressive introduction :( I have provided you with a structure for the intro in one of your previous essays. Had you followed it, then you'd come with a more catchy start.

As a way of doing so, this essay will weigh both advantages and disadvantages of this issue.

Instead of this you could have expressed your view about the issue. That will help you to take others in your desired direction :D

To begin with, no one can deny that profit-making companies have an important role in the field of medicine.

This sentence does not mean much sense. I think the vocabulary you have used tend to give a different meaning to that. Also, you do not have a proper alignment with your prompt.

Finally, I have a small admin request for you - Post your essay into the right forum, namely "Writing Feedback". Also, have a meaningful title in the subject field when you open a new thread.
OP Bobbypark 3 / 8  
Nov 15, 2013   #6
thx for your response. However, I am not good at the introduction.
I am wondering if u can give me an example of the introduction by correcting mine?
Cheers
dumi 1 / 6924 1592  
Nov 16, 2013   #7
sure.... let's do your introduction following that structure;

Some people think that increasing business and cultural contacts have positive influences on development; others think that it has negative effects on national identities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Unlike in the past, we live in a heavily globalized world where people interact with each other irrespective of geographical barriers. ...hook
Now let's do the background;
As a result there is an increasing trend of international business and cultural contacts. Some people perceive this as a positive sign for development while others claim that it can harm the uniqueness of national identity of the nations. .... here you introduced the theme and the importance of the issue

However, my personal opinion is that the positives of this phenomenon outweigh its negatives. ... clear statement that explains your opinion.


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