Hi Ensangh, I have several comments and suggestions for you.
the majority of people believe that
it should be : the majority of people believes that
They claim that controlling the amount of the noise by rules and regulations not only invades their personal privacy, but it violates their social freedom
could you rewrite this sentence??
of all members
"of" is not collocate with responsibility inasmuch as it should be "responsibility for"
possible that making some avoidable noises
possible that makes / made some avoidable noises ( you should put a verb after "that" )
FLOWS AND IDEAS :
It is unfortunately the case that in any society we can find a number of people who do not respect to the social rights of others. One of the most disturbing cases is making noise either in public or people's private life. . While the majority of people believe that the amount of noise produced by individuals must be restricted, there are still people who think that they have freedom to make noise regardless of considering other's life. In this essay, I will explain my point of view by examining both sides of the argument.
I am affraid your introduction paragraph will be valued as memorized language as
I will explain my point of view by examining both sides of the argument
is exceedingly common in sample answer in IELTS Writing task two. What's more, I utterly believe that it is unnecessary when you start your sentence with "it is unfortunately". it is vague idea and it tends to bias. I just suggest you to prevent using it in the first sentence of your first paragraph.KEEP SPIRIT, KEEP STUDY.