Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Many people think modern communication technology is having some negative effects on social relation


muathuthattuyet 5 / 7  
Apr 2, 2017   #1

social relationships issue



The advent of communication tools has turned our world into a global village, where citizens from all parts of the globe can make contacts with one another in less than no time. While the positive effects of such technological advances cannot be overlooked, they are not without their share of problems, especially in terms of social relationships. In this essay, I would like to examine the downsides of these life-changing technologies in more detail.

To commence with, the most alarming issue posed by overdependence on communication gadgets is social isolation. The emergence of computers and smartphones in the modern age has enabled people to make phone calls or text messages within the matter of a second, eliminating the need to travel a long distance in order to visit friends or relatives. Convenient as this may seem, communication by such a way often loosens the strong bond between family members. Moreover, many people become so absorbed in the visual world with its many attractive features that they neglect the importance of socialising with other individuals, imprisoning themselves in the world of their own. A youngster, for example, may not be able to hang out with his peers or share the school day experience with his parents due to the enormous amount of time that he allocated to the Internet.

Secondly, technological advances can wreck the nature of friendship. Since communication tools offer unlimited access to the outer world, people can easily make online friends by means of social networks such as facebook or twitter. The need to find friends in the real world which often requires time, efforts and patience will, therefore, be reduced. However, unlike friends that we make from regular contacts, visual friends are highly unreliable and thus unlikely to offer us help and comforts in times of difficulty. We cannot confide in them our secrets and expect them to share ups and downs with us. Life would become rather dull and unmotivating without someone we can count on.

To sum up, although the technology proves to be advantageous in some ways, they are far from being flawless as long as social relationships are concerned. In the end, it all boils down to people's awareness to make proper use of communicative devices.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,149 2303  
Apr 3, 2017   #2
Nguyen, the ability that you showed in writing this essay will no doubt garner you the highest possible score of 7. That is because you showed a clear understanding of the prompt, provided ample examples based upon personal experience and knowledge, and limited the mistakes in your grammar structure to the most minimal of errors. There was no stress at all for the me, as the reader, as I perused your work. Your paragraphs are understandable and your effort to use complex sentences int he proper manner is evident. Good work with this essay. If you keep this kind of work consistent in all your practice tests, I do not doubt that you will pass the actual test. A word of advice though, try to make your conclusion stronger by simply wrapping up the previous details in the presentation. There is no need to hurriedly discuss other explanations or opinions that you have in the conclusion. That part is meant only to deliver a summarized discussion of your previous and important discussion points. Basically, you paraphrased the prompt at the start and then you paraphrase yourself at the end. That is how these types of essays are best written.
Anhy chan 12 / 23 1  
Apr 6, 2017   #3
Hi @muathuthattuyet
I have read your essay closely. I think it is a good essay since your writing is so flow. Moreover, you have used some specific vocabulary and still easy to understand. To make it flawless, it is important to explain your example more detail in body paragraph 1, such as what the more spesific effect by that condition.

In your conclusion, it is better for including some suggestion or recomendation regarding the prompt.


Home / Writing Feedback / Many people think modern communication technology is having some negative effects on social relation