Education is one of the major factor that directly impact on
beinga person becoming a
good member of society. ... a good hook
While some people think it is the duty of parents to teach children to be good at society others believe that schools are fully responsible for this
This is fine.... you introduce the argument.... But you should have stopped at this point.
but I personally think it is both parents' and schools' duty to teach children how to be good members in society.
This one should be a new line in which you express your view. You follow the right structure for the introduction and that means you should earn a good score on intro :)