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Many people think that regions affect successful person. State your opinion.


twid 4 / 8  
Jun 30, 2016   #1
Many people think that regions affect successful person. What is your opinion about native region and accomplished person's influence on the region he belongs to.

Many people argue that success of an individual depends upon the environment in which he or she has grown up. However, in my opinion, native place's environment is only one factor and a person's attitude, capability and determination also play a pivotal role in achieving success.

Native environment plays a role in instilling(implanting) traits such as leadership, social skills, behavior, etc. These qualities an individual acquires over a period. The

behavior of people in the neighborhood, school friends, and college friends significantly affects behavior and skills of a person. For instance, Mahatma Gandhi a famous Indian leader received most of his leadership skills from people with whom he spent his childhood time.

However, the surrounding is just only one of many factors that play the important role in individual success. Moreover, success depends on once attitude, determination, dedication and will power, never give up atittude. For example, Mahatma Gandhi, The founding father of Indian freedom movement from British regime, has never compromising attitude for freedom from English and had determined and convinced with the idea of independent India. That led to the freedom of India and Gandhi

became the great leader as we know him today. May he have accepted as other have a rule of British over India then we might not have known him as a founding father of

modern India.

In conclusion, the surrounding plays very important role in individual's personality. However, person's attitude, interpersonal skill, determination and will power do certainly
play a significant role in success. As they say "Where's the will there's a way".
knhusone 3 / 6  
Jun 30, 2016   #2
Hi twid, I have some suggestions for you here:
a person's attitude => personal attitude.
Native environment plays a role in instilling (implanting) traits such as leadership,
social skills, behavior, etc.( Leadership is more concrete than social skills and behaviors, so you shouldn't mention them together in this example).
These qualities an individual acquires over a period.( Mind the structure of this sentence.)
However, the surrounding is just only one of many factors that play the important role in individual success. ( Don't repeat this collocation, you can use contribute greatly to instead).

For example, Mahatma Gandhi, The founding father of Indian freedom movement from British regime,
has never compromising attitude for freedom from English and had determined and
convinced with the idea of independent India.
(You should clarify this sentence and mind the structure, I'm afraid.)

If I misunderstood your ideas, please forgive me. I hope you will be successful with your work!
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Jun 30, 2016   #3
Hi Smith, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, we aim to provide you with the most comprehensive and objective criticism in order for you to come up with an even stronger essay.

Now, as I read your essay thoroughly, I must say that the presentation of the essay is rather very informal, this might be because you are thinking that this is just a draft, however, draft or not, you should practice in presenting your writing references as your final essay for submission, this will bring you a habit of making each and every writing you do to be perfect and as what actors say, always ready for the camera.

Most of the corrections that I suggest you do on your essay is the linking verbs as well as constructing a meaningful sentence. This sentences constitutes the essay so you have to be very mindful.I can also see that you have quiet a lot of help from an EF contributor and I hope you follow through. I hope to review the final revision soon.
yon959 6 / 7 4  
Jun 30, 2016   #4
Hiļ¼ŒSmith, I like your example when you writing the essay. I think it would be better to state the example in one paragraph instead of using the same example in separate paragraphs.
Titus14 5 / 11 1  
Jul 6, 2016   #5
Hi!
I personally think that you could give more examples in this article.
It is very good that you wrote about a successful person of your country (eg.Gandhi) in the first body part. Perhaps talk about another famous person from a different country in the second body paragraph could show more details of this issue and as well your international view.

Please note that readers of our essays are not only from our own countries.
Cheers!


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