Unanswered [15] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Some people think that rich countries should help the poor countries by giving money directly. IELTS

melodyyyyy 2 / 4  
Jul 1, 2018   #1
Some people think that rich countries should help the poor countries by giving money directly. Other believe that there are other more effective forms of international aid. What is your opinion?

Money is not the best help sometimes

With tremendous development of economic and commerce, the gap between the wealth countries and destitute countries is widen day by day. Whether or not the most effective method which rich countries should help the poor countries is donating money directly is spark off a heat debate. In my opinion, I think that what the developing region need most is not financial aid or loans, but advanced technology and talent in some essential areas

Obviously, the direct cash or money can solve immediately and usefully some emergency issues such as starvation or water crisis, but it is not a long - term solutions which is most necessary in poverty countries, or may be that money will be spent in improper ways.

Like a farmer need a fishing rods rather than fishes, many developing countries require modern technology, science and engineering than money because they are the backbone in from solving urgent problems process to development economic, culture and society. For example, Da river hydroelectric factory which is achievement collaboration of Soviet Union and Vietnam has brought electricity to whole Vietnamese territory, give them a much more promising future.

Moreover, the second effective form of international aid is that the developed countries could invest on quality of the young in backwardness region. For instance, the rich countries can train the talent students by which provide scholarships or finance for students in poor areas have a chance to widen their horizon, then return to help their own countries. However, government of destitute countries have to ensure that the brain - drain can not happen.

In conclusion, there are some other types of aid the rich countries may choice to provide effectively. Meanwhile, if financial aid is offered, we have to make sure that money is being spent on what people really need them and not on filling the pockets of corrupt politicians.

pls give me feedback and mark my essay. thanks so much
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15048 4830  
Jul 2, 2018   #2
Ho, where in the phrase "some people think" did you get the understanding that the topic being presented "spark off a heat debate?" There is no debate indicated. Therefore, your exaggeration is unwarranted and shows a lack of proper English vocabulary understanding. When the term is "some people think", that indicates a discussion of an opinion, not a heated debate. By the way, the correct term is "has sparked off a heated debate." Do not exaggerate your discussion terms. When you become careless, and in an effort to show off your vocabulary rather than your proper understanding of how to use English terms, you might just find yourself starting a prompt deviation that could make you fail the test. Do not exaggerate. These essays are always opinion discussions or plain discussions never more than that.

Your approach to the direct question essay is proper, but you must never indicate "I think" when your opinion is being asked for. That is because this shows an uncertainty in your point of view. There should always be a point of view that you support more that can allow you say, "My opinion is..." rather than the tepid "I think..."

Your essay suffers from a series of run-on sentences per paragraph. This has affected the C&C presentation of your essay. It has become confusing to read and keep track of. Most specially since your English grammar is nowhere near perfect, which also confuses and stresses out the reader as we have to struggle to figure out what your point is or what you are trying to say.

Work a more proper concluding summary paragraph. Do not present new opinions in this section because it leaves the essay open ended rather than concluded.
OP melodyyyyy 2 / 4  
Jul 2, 2018   #3
i got it sir, thanks so much for you direct jugdement.
i will be better in next time.

Home / Writing Feedback / Some people think that rich countries should help the poor countries by giving money directly. IELTS
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳