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Some people think that school have to be more entertaining

yennhi5531 1 / -  
Apr 28, 2022   #1

Education With Fun

A group of people think that school should have more entertainment, whereas, others belive that schools should only focus on education purpose. The aim of this piece of writing is clarify both views and express the author's opinion.

On the one hand, people who support the idea that school should to be more entertaining believe that school is a place where children spend most of their time. It would be boring and also could make students tired as well as study ineffectively if there were no entertainment at school. Moreover, having more entertainment in school can help students identify their own forte, as well as improve their social skills. For instance, students, after stressful classes, often look forward to light lessons such as music or outdoor extracurricular activities to freshen up their minds and show their talents. That makes students feel more comfortable and learn much better.

On the other hand, a school only focus on education purpose makes students feel stressed and depressed. Students can not concentrate on lessons and always feel tired when going to school. In addition, if students did not have entertainment, they could not promote their creativity as well as their fortes, which might make them become inflexible, taciturn and put them under stress. For example, a student who only study and have no relaxation or outdoors activities may study very well; nevertheless, his soft skills are not good and there is no flexibility in communications situations.

In conclusion, both ideas have their own positive and negative aspects, as well as diffents impacts on students. Personally, I belive that school should be more entertaining because it can make students become more creative and study better.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,686 4117  
Apr 28, 2022   #2
The essay is not qualified to receive a passing score due to task writing instruction inaccuracy. The provided writer opinion sentence committed 2 errors:

1. The discussion representation is incorrect. He has indicated a comparative discussion + personal opinion format when the requirement was to discuss the public opinion he agrees with over 2 supporting paragraphs.

2. He has not presented a personal opinion + thisis statement to refer to his personal opinion

His prompt paraphrase is also incorrect as it is a run-on sentence. Both the first and last paragraphs must contain 3-5 sentences to qualify for scoring. These 2 paragraphs are very format focused in terms of scoring.

The writer does not present his own opinion until the closing paragraph, causing another task format error. The personal opinion must be the basis of the reasoning paragraphs. The current format will result in a failing score.

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