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Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results

quynhchi24 1 / -  
Mar 19, 2020   #1

prizes to students for their improvements

While some people suppose that students who have the best academic outcome should receive reward, others believe that it is significant to prize students who show improvement. From my point of views, I agree with school should reward students who show improvement.

On the one hand, there are two main reasons why people think that school should prize students who show the best academic result. First of all, rewards could create highly competitive education environment among students. Because it could encourage make an effort to study to gain the best score. Furthermore, the best students are identified and they will be given more opportunities to nurture their abilities. For instance, the best students will be chosen for special training in order that take part in national competition. From that, they will develop their abilities.

On the other hand, I am convinced that it is important to reward students who show improvement. First and foremost, when schools reward students who show enhancement, they will be received people's encourage. Therefore, students will improve their study results that bring more favorable outcomes. It can be demonstrated that it will give equality chances for all students instead of focusing only on best students. Thus, all students have motivation to try harder to receive rewards. In addiction, if schools are to attack special importance to improve of learning process, students will try your best and real an effort. As a result, it plays a crucial role in reducing the pressures for the exams and cheating to achieve the high score.

In conclusion, there are different views about the way schools award prizes to students. From my perspective, I strong believe that it is important to reward students who show improvements.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,157 2307  
Mar 19, 2020   #2
It is unfortunate that your body of paragraphs, as well as your prompt restatement does not follow the required format for the response. Always count the discussion instructions. Those indicate how many paragraphs you have to write in the actual essay. If it asks "Do you agree or disagree?" or "To what extent do you agree or disagree?", then you should write 4 paragraphs (1 introduction, 2 reasoning, 1 concluding summary). When the essay instructs you to "discuss both points of view and give your own opinion", that means you should write a total of 5 paragraphs (1 introduction, 3 reasoning, 1 concluding summary). The proper format of the essay response counts towards your TA scoring considerations as well as the C&C and GRA scores.

Each reason should have only 1 topic sentence. You included 2 topic statements in your 2nd paragraph. That created an under developed reasoning presentation. Which is another problem when it comes to the C&C scoring. When the paragraphs have more than 1 topic per paragraph, you do not fully explain the first topic. In the 5 paragraph essay, you need to do the following in separate paragraphs:

- 1 topic sentence / reason on the agree side based on public opinion
- 1 topic sentence / reason on the disagree side based on public opinion
- 1 opinion explanation that supports one of the two discussions

Your opinion should not be a part of the introduction paraphrase. You should not have an opinion presented as yet since you have not analyzed the two public opinions. You need to show a sense of analysis in this essay since you are asked to first present an explanation of the 2 public responses to the prompt and then, base your decision to support one side on that public opinion. In this essay, there was no differentiation between the public and private opinion. So it appears to be only a personal opinion presentation. That is why it will be considered only partially responsive to the task.

The concluding paragraph is weak because you forgot to restate what the two public points of view are before you presented your personal opinion. Remember, every paragraph needs at least 3 sentences to be able to properly represent a clear paraphrase or explanation.

Word choice errors exist:
addiction = addition

You forgot to use a comma after a conjunction:
- identified , and...

phrase presentation mistakes:
they will be received people's encourage - the will receive people's encouragement

There are other errors in the essay but I would like to refrain from correcting those since your formatting errors are more important to correct at this time.

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