Hi, guys, please give me all your suggestions cuz my target is 7! I would appreciate!!!!!
ESSAY: Some people think that teachers should be responsible for teaching students to judge right and wrong and to behave well. Some say that teachers should only teach students about academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
The issue of whether teachers should undertake the responsibility of teaching students to distinguish right from wrong has sparked off an intense debate among the public.Some people claim that teachers should give priority to impart students with academic and professional knowledge and skills, while others argue that this action contributes to enabling students to become law-abiding and productive individuals who can make a contribution to the society.Personally, I agree with the latter opinion.
To begin with, teachers play positive and essential roles in the realm of telling students right and wrong.It is simply because teachers are in a position to promptly and immediately point out and correct misbehavior and mischief of students which are discovered and detected in the process of teaching and guiding. As a result, students can effectively establish and elevate their awareness of right and wrong by means of realizing and correcting their mistakes and weaknesses.Additionally, it is undeniable that a considerable number of parents are immersed in their works that they have a little amount of time to accompany and educate their children.Under such circumstance, teachers who are acknowledged as the most significant and indispensable people of educations of children, other than parents, should resume the responsibility and accountability of teaching children to differentiate right from wrong, which is conductive to preventing students from getting involved into any anti-social behaviors and helping them to erect correct and righteous code of conduct.
Admittedly, teachers should fulfill academic function that imparting students with comprehensive and specialized knowledge and practical techniques, which can efficiently and largely improve their academic performances and lay a solid foundation of their career developments.However, those well-educated individuals who lack the criterion of right and wrong would pose grave threats to the stability and security of the entire society as they are highly likely to make full use of their knowledge and skills to commit crimes.
To conclude, I concede that the crucial and prior task and mission of teachers is to teach students a variety of transferable and useful skills and knowledge to explore and achieve potentials of students. Nevertheless, I am still convinced that the public and the entire society can become the major beneficiaries from teachers attaching a heavier weight on telling students right and wrong.
Your opinion is well developed and supported. A good range of vocabulary is used and also the range of grammar is also wide. However, be careful about the number of words which has exceeded 350 words. In addition, there are some repetitive words like "right and wrong" which should be replaced by alternatives such as "true and false" and "morality" ....
thank you! mersad!
i notice that i used right and wrong too many time, but i don't know which word can replace them! thank you for giving me these word! i can make my better!
... this action contributes to enabling students
to become law-abiding and productive individuals ...
... mission of teachers is to teach students WITH a variety of transferable and useful skills ...
well done. you have expressed a wide range of vocabulary and your ideas are also coherent and logic. I think you will definitely achieve 7 or above if you can conduct the same levels of attainment in IELTS test.
One small weak point is that all of your sentences are very long and complex. The readers may not so happy to enjoy your essay, so it is better to make it like a wave (one long sentence and along with one short sentence).
I found there was one phase that I was not familiar with. Can we use 'impart sb with knowledge'? I have only known the phase 'impart knowledge to sb'.
also, correct and righteous, responsibility and accountability share the similar meanings. I think one of them is redundant.
Thank you for your suggestions.
I think we can use "impart sb with sth"
The next problem about " responsibility and accountability", I've noticed that, so I've already deleted one of them.