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writing task 2 : some people think universities should make sport a compulsory module on all degree


AliminHamzah 6 / 9 4  
Oct 16, 2017   #1
With an increasing overweight population some people think universities should make sport a compulsory module on all degree courses.
To what extent do you agree?.


The Importance of Exercise



At the time, the number of overweight has increased every year. Some people believe that universities have to make new module about sport to tackle number of overweight population. Furthermore, this essay will discuss about how about if college have sport module for all degree and what the impact from it.

Actually I agree if university has sport module for all degree courses, because the student will be healthier. Some researcher have researched about cause of disease, one of cause is inactivate. Inactivate is very dangerous for our health, even inactivate more hazard than smoking and drinking alcohol. Especially for student who always spend their time for sit on the chair to study, their blood circulate will be chaotic and in the long-term will impact with our body. Henceforth, be active or exercise is pivotal to our healthy.

To distinguish living things and non-living beings, simply we just need to see whether the thing is moving, and exercise is aspect that for increase quality of move, similar to increase our life. Healthy is very essential to have each person especially student. With good health we can do anything and can always focus with our lesson in the class, it so difficult to concentrate if you are getting sick although you are clever. So that, sport module is very needed for all degree not merely for sport student because all of students need health body to study. evidently, exercise not only life style but right now has become a necessity.

In conclude, this essay tell us about how are important exercise for our health and the university need sport module for all degree. I suggest to government and lecturer to make new module about sport and be applicated in all of degree. I hope the issue of inactivate does not happen again in the next time.
Tran Minh Hien 4 / 11 3  
Oct 16, 2017   #2
I understand the general ideas in your essay, but there are a lot of grammar and punctuation mistakes. Please proofread your essay carefully next time. By the way, I suggest that you should take a grammar course (there are many good free courses online) and use Grammarly to check your writing every time.

I used Grammarly to detect all your mistakes and correct them. Hope this helps :D Some sentences are so confusing that I cannot really understand what it is about, therefore I cannot correct it.

Don't give up. Try your best, good luck!

... to make new module about sport sport module to tackle the number ofthe overweight population.

Actually, I agree if universities has sport module for all degree courses because ... Some researchers have researched about the cause of disease, one of them is being inactivate. Being inactivate is very dangerous (...), even inactivate more hazard ... Especially for studentswho always spend their time for sitting on the chair to study, their blood circulation will bechaotic(?) and in the long-term [...] pivotal to ourhealth.

... and exercise is the aspect that for increasesquality ofmoving, similar to ... Healthy is very essential to have eachperson,especially student. ... always focus with on our lesson in the class, it is so difficult to ...

... because all of students need (...), exercise is not only a lifestyle but right now ...

In conclusion, this essaytells us about how are important ...
utsi 4 / 7 2  
Oct 16, 2017   #3
I think there are many problems in parts of speech like health body, Healthy is very essential, in conclude, inactivate and grammatical mistakes like how are important exercise and many more.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4771  
Oct 16, 2017   #4
Alimin, you have not properly discussed the essay. Your understanding of the prompt requirement is faulty. You chose to discuss the impact of having a sports module in classes rather than discussing an "extent" essay. The correct paraphrase is as follows:

Universities have seen a rise in the overweight population of their students. That is why there have been suggestions that the colleges should implement a mandatory sports course in all their college majors. I fully agree with this statement for a number of reasons that I will be presenting in this essay.

For starters, students will be healthier if they are forced to play sports while at school. This is because...


While some of your discussions are aligned with the prompt, the rest of the presentation does not apply. It is difficult to understand your presentation due to problems with your basic English grammar skills. I strongly advise you to seek English tutoring in this aspect. Enroll in online English writing classes if necessary. Do not use the free programs because you need help with the basics and the free courses cannot help you with that. Additionally, do not get used to using grammarly for your writing grammar needs. You won't have access to that program on exam day so don't get used to it. Do not use it even for practice tests because you will not be able to function without it on the exam day itself. Just develop your grammar skills in a natural manner. That way you won't feel lost on exam day and you don't have access to your support system.
FlashBanG 1 / 1  
Oct 16, 2017   #5
Hello,
There are lots of grammatical errors, there are two errors that I caught:

researcher have researched => some research findings have shown that
in conclude => In Conclusion
Jimmy879873 26 / 55 13  
Oct 16, 2017   #6
Hi Alimin, I can see that from your essay, the third paragraph was a supporting point to the second paragraph where it should be giving a new idea of why do you agree uni should make the sport as a compulsory module to all degree courses.

Also, "To distinguish living things and non-living beings, simply we ..." I don't see any relevant information to the question from this sentence.

Hope that help.


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