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IELTS Task 2 - Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like...

phong3baotap 7 / 19 4  
Feb 26, 2020   #1

students should choose a subject they desire

My Essay:

Opinions are divided on whether undergraduate need to research what they enjoy or just be able to learn beneficial matter for their later career, including science and technology topics. Personally, I do think both views are reasonable as each has its own merits.

It is certainly true that newly-graduated students should have a job to support themselves. They must be in the know about certain subject to do a good job, whereas today many professions need the help of scientific and technological advances resulting from the GNR Revolution including genetics, nanotechnology, robotics and the industrial revolutions including personal computers, internet of things, cloud computing, intelligence artefact, big data, cyber-physical system, smart cities, etc. So they are recommended to explore these helpful things while they are in college.

However, there are other benefits of doing what they love. First of all, science and technology are such difficult issues that not everyone can learn it. Besides, they need to ensure the balance among field of study for sustainable development goal because a complete and perfect man is a person that is generally good at a wide range of things, either in a sector or many, for example, an all-rounder is a learner who is good at math, science, history and English. Moreover, the fact that all successes in life do not come from natural talents but from the effort and hard-working that can only be achieved by passion. We can found it in the examples of celebrity in a number of areas from science & technology such as Albert Einstein, Steve Job, etc. to athletic such as Christiano Ronaldo, Lionel Messi, etc. And last but not least, they tend to be expert with something that is our knack.

For the reasons mentioned above, while studying the topics that will be useful in the future, it seems to me that students are more likely to be successful in their careers if they choose the subject they desire.

(324 words) Thank you all in advance!

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,013 4242  
Feb 26, 2020   #2
Students tend to wrongly focus on the number of words written for the Task 2 test instead of the quality of the words written. It is definitely alright to write an essay between 275-300 words. The reason being that the student requires time to review and perfect the essay. That means making sure that the student has checked all of the ticking points off before the time runs out to correct the errors. Writing 324 words prevents you from doing that. Which is why the essay has some errors that cannot be ignored.

You used an unnecessary hyphen when writing "newly graduated". Those are two words not two connected words. "So" is an introductory element and is always followed by a comma when used at the start of a sentence. The verb auxiliary form of "found" is find as in "we can find examples..."

Try to use more ownership phrases at the start of your paragraphs. This essay is actually a 5 paragraph essay because you should have represented the public points of view in 2 separate paragraphs before your own opinion. In this case, the essay carries the feel of a single opinion essay. Specially since you did not properly paraphrase the introductory paragraph with the proper discussion outline. This paraphrased paragraph should have been 5 sentences long because of the discussion elements involved.

The writing is good but lacking in proper point of view references. More work needs to be done for you to be able to properly paraphrase and conclude these discussion essays. Remember, it's all about the restatement. It has to be complete each time. It has to be a proper summary of the discussion points, said in new and varied ways at the beginning and at the end.
OP phong3baotap 7 / 19 4  
Mar 9, 2020   #3
Thank you very much!

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