Task 2: some people think that video games are advantageous - opinion essay

Hello everyone, I am a new member, hope I can learn some things new from this forum as well as get feedback for my writing. This is my first essay.

merits vs demerits of video games

Playing games is widely considered as a damaging mean of entertainment while some argue that they are beneficial in some aspects. I am of the latter opinion that it would be profitable for gamers when carefully considering.

Overdoing video games would cause certain harm to both physical and mental health. Gaming can be highly addictive which may have effects ranging from sleeplessness to aggressive behaviour. For instance, players tend to be more irritable and restless if they stay inside computer games for over 10 hours consecutively. What's more, it is hard to get enough active play and physical exercise when players lock themselves in a room, looking at the screen. The rise in obesity recently has also linked to sedentary lifestyle.

Despite these given defects, video games can be both entertaining and educational. Firstly, everyone certainly would love to loosen up after dealing with a huge workload at offices or schools, then virtual games would be the best option. Secondly, games such as puzzles and riddles could be profitable for recognition ability, problem solving and memorizing skills which is useful for reality life. Especially, most of the online games are designed by English that requires users to have a basic understanding of the language to play and communicate with other partners and enemies. Thus, games create an ideal environment to get a better knowledge of languages as well as to make new foreign friends.

All in all, I strongly believe that the merits of video games outweigh it demerits. However, games players should look for applicable choices of games for their level of age plus setting a limit time to stay inside the game in order to stay away from addiction.

Hi. The following are my opinions.

First of all, there are some grammar problems--"means" is a plural noun; it is better not to use abbreviation such as "what is more" rather than "what's more"

Secondly, maybe you don't have to mention the deficiencies of video games or else you have to offer solutions otherwise it makes video games seem not as good as you claim. Since you mention two merits of video games in the third paragraph, you can tear it into two paragraphs and discuss the issue more deeply--the essay may be more convincing.

I am afraid that the overall score for this essay may only be within the 4 bracket. That is because there is a lack of cohesiveness and coherence in the overall discussion presentation and GRA problems abound in the total presentation. There is a lack of proper topic / discussion development for the essay. Reasons are listed, but no actual justification, through properly developed explanations can be seen. There is a lack of clarity in the sentence presentation due to the problematic sentence structures. While the essay does have a point, it requires several readings before the reader can actually figure out what is being said and how the information presented relates to one another. You do not need to present several reasons, one or 2 reasons, properly explained over 2 paragraphs, before your own opinion, will be sufficient to increase your overall score and task achievement.