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Some people think young people are not ready for crucial positions in the government...

dnthao2932018 1 / -  
Jan 5, 2022   #1
Some people think young people are not suitable for important positions in the government, while other people think it is a good idea for young people to take on these positions.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some individuals believe it is benificial when young people participate in vital local authorities' works, however, others think that they do not have the qualities to handle those essential positions. In this essay, I will discuss both sides of the view and elucidate why I agree with the latter.

It is understandable why many people contend that it is a good idea for the young to take on paramount roles in the governments. First and foremost, young people are more up-to-date the old people. This is because they were wean on cutting edge electronic devices since early stages of their life while the elderly were not. Hence, through online current affairs, they can get many important news and problem faster, therefore allocate government's resources to solve those issues quicker.

However, I contend that young people should not take on those essential positions in local authorities. Firstly, the young are not as wise as the elderly. This is because old people experienced more ups and downs throughout their life then young people. Thus, they are packed with a host of skills and knowledge. So when nations facing problems, the young can come up with solutions faster but the elderly will provide sounder and more efficient ideas.

In conclusion, while many people think that young people should take on paramount roles in the governments, I contend that the young should not have parts in those essentials positions. They should start with small works in the governments and slowly gain experiences and skills to prepare for higher roles in the furture.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,303 3989  
Jan 5, 2022   #2
When restating the topic, always seperate the 2 ideas by using 2 individual sentences. While using a compressed sentence, seperated by punctuation marks also works, the more effective and clearer paraphrasing can be better gained by individual sentences as this will allow for more word usage, which in turn allows the paragraph to meet the minimum 3 sentence requirement. There must not be a restatement of the discussion instructions. Rather, the author will recieve a better scoring consideration for a proper personal statement opinion and responding in the proper format. More importantly, the whole paragraph gets a better restatement score for using the correct representation format in the paragraph.

I contend

Too soon. This is a 3 reasoning paragraph essay. So that means there have to be 3 paragraphs representing each of the public opinion explanations, based on popular opinion prior to the presentation of the personal opinion that supports a clear public opinion with personal reasons. This essay shall receive a score based on an incomplete discussion format since the author opted to use a 3 paragraph rather than 2 reasoning paragraph format presentation. Why did it become a 3 paragraph presentation? The author clearly stated in the first paragraph that:

I will discuss both sides of the view and elucidate why I agree with the latter.

. Had a compare and contrast format been used for the discussion paragraphs, then a 2 reasoning paragraph format would have been acceptable.
kaching00 2 / 4  
Jan 7, 2022   #3
While the points you make are quite good, I believe it can be presented in a better way. At times it felt you are using 'difficult' words, when your sentence structures don't really match up to that. Be consistent, it's completely fine to use simple langauge to get your point across. You also should utilise another paragraph to discuss the disadvangtes, your opinion could've been stated in the conclusion instead.

As a whole piece of writing, it's good but you can definitely improve it in terms of readibility more.

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