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People should travel inside their country first - for easy deal with the locals and familiarity gain


tarak23 1 / 3  
Feb 16, 2015   #1
It is said that travel broadens the mind. What can we learn by travelling to other countries? Ag/Dis

Over the past few decades, number of people travelling overseas and within their own country has been significantly increasing. Currently, some people argue that youngsters should travel to international destinations before exploring their home town. While knowledge of totally different culture is associated in roaming internationally, there are other benefits to put home country as their first journey.

There are obvious reasons why people should travel inside their country first. The significant one is that people get familiarity for travelling at a basic level. If the individual is travelling in his own country, then it would be easy for him to deal with the locals and will get exposure to travelling. I believe this short trips can prepare the person mentally which is useful in travelling globally. Secondly, people get the opportunity to understand their own culture and religion from its core. This knowledge is vital to differentiate the cultures from different perspectives. It can possible let you down and make you feel embarrassing in front of foreigners if you do not know your own culture

On the contrary, some people argue that population should travel globally first. According to them, people can tell and see how much difference is in between their own country and others. Also they can introduce their country to foreigners. Moreover, it has great educational value because people can learn different language and can indulge themselves into the varied culture.

In conclusion, although travelling to different nations has educational benefits, I personally prefer to finish off within our own countries and move further for international trips.

Vns9x 102 / 236 16  
Feb 16, 2015   #2
You are being asked to give your opinion of whether you agree or not!
The prompt is also asking if you believe that travelling abroad broadens your horizon.
Thus, your first body paragraph is completely deviated from the topic.
I might be mistaken, since i consider the prompt to be the headline of your thread.
It is said that travel broadens the mind. What can we learn by travelling to other countries? Ag/Dis
OP tarak23 1 / 3  
Feb 16, 2015   #3
Sorry I haven't posted the whole essay topic there.

"It is said that travel broadens the mind. What can we learn by travelling to other countries? Should we first explore our own countries? Discuss."

Thanks for your review. Please advise if the essay is addressed on topic.
Vns9x 102 / 236 16  
Feb 16, 2015   #4
Well, if the prompt is asking you to discuss, then you should not have written your opinion. The content and ideas are fabulous.
Attempt to write in second person! This can be done by surrogating I with you.

In addition, Over the past few decades, the number of people travelling overseas and within their own country has been significantly increasing. Currently, some people argue that youngsters should travel to international destinations before exploring their home town(why? do not forget to finalize your thought). While the knowledge of totally different culture is associated in roaming internationally, there are other benefits to put home country as their first journey.
OP tarak23 1 / 3  
Feb 16, 2015   #5
Thanks for your reply. I have now made some changes to my essay. Please advise your opinion.

Over the past few decades, the number of people travelling overseas and within their own country has been significantly increasing. Currently, some people argue that youngsters should travel to international destinations before exploring their home town. While the knowledge of totally different culture is associated in roaming internationally, there are other benefits to put home country as their first journey.

According to some people, travelling within own country is on the top priority and they have valid reasons for their argument. The significant one is that people get familiarity for travelling at a basic level. If the individual is travelling in his own country, then it would be easy for him to deal with the locals and will get exposure to travelling. This short trips can prepare the person mentally which is useful in travelling globally. Secondly, people get the opportunity to understand their own culture and religion from its core. This knowledge is vital to differentiate the cultures from different perspectives. It can possible let you down and make you feel embarrassing in front of foreigners if you do not know your own culture

On the contrary, some people argue that population should travel globally first. According to them, people can tell and see how much difference is in between their own country and others. Also they can introduce their country to foreigners. Moreover, it has great educational value because people can learn different language and can indulge themselves into the varied culture.

In conclusion, although travelling to different nations has educational benefits, people should consider to finish off travelling within their own countries and move further for international trips.
Vns9x 102 / 236 16  
Feb 17, 2015   #6
1. travelling within own country is prioritized by many people
2. his short trips can prepare the person mentally, which is useful in travelling globally
3. Attempt to improvise some personal examples for your essay.
do not know= are not aware( it would sound more natural)
The content is quite fabulous. Keep up the efforts!
OP tarak23 1 / 3  
Feb 17, 2015   #7
Thank you soo much for your reply. Its really helpful


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