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Ielts task 2: many people try to look younger than their age, causes and opinion

Osha 2 / 6 1  
Mar 1, 2019   #1

younger look is trendy

Many people try to look younger than their age. What are the reasons people do this? Do you think this is a good or bad thing?

It is true that many people nowadays are trying to change their body image in order to appear younger. This trend, which is entirely negative in my opinion, is based on many factors.

Firstly, advertisements of cosmetic products overwhelmingly promote a false idea of beauty by modifying people's perception of what real beauty is. People are persuaded to resist any physical signs of aging such as facial wrinkles by using these products in order to look more awesome in the eyes of others. A further factor is that people's desire to engage in social relationships derives them to try hard to look younger. In Egypt, for example, the older a woman becomes, the harder it would be for her to get married because the society usually perceives old women as less desired. This, as a result, forces a significant number of females to modify their physical appearance to look younger.

Despite these factors, there are significant drawbacks associated with this trend. Many people have become so obsessed with their self-image that they waste a lot of money and effort in order to look younger. They tend to buy myriads of cosmetic products and up-to-date fashionable clothes, by which they hopefully can change the way they look. This, consequently, puts a tremendous financial as well as psychological strain on the victims. The physical danger can be another critical effect, by which people might incline into harmful procedures to look younger such as plastic surgeries. These operations, unless for medical purposes, put people at risk of having potential complications such as damaging their normal facial anatomy.

In conclusion, many people are continuously trying to look younger mainly due to the overwhelming of advertisements and the eagerness to gain social acceptance by others. This trend has substantial negative impacts on people's finances as well as their psychological and physical health.

307 words
waa12 - / 1  
Mar 2, 2019   #2
This is very well written! My only issues were with the first sentence and your choice of the word "awesome" within the first paragraph.
If it were me, I would just cut out "It is true..." and just start with "people are trying to change their body image in order to appear younger."

Secondly, the word "awesome" is extremely overused and thus has lost complete meaning. I would use something like "beautiful" or "unique" instead.

Good job!!! :)
Holt - / 7,651 1998  
Mar 3, 2019   #3
Osha, try to use descriptive adjectives instead of general reference adjectives to help heighten the clarity of your work. Rather than saying "a significant number", it would be better if you can attach an actual number reference to that to give the reader a clearer idea of what you want to say. The reference should be written as "a sizeable number" .

With 304 words, I feel like you have written too many words for this essay. I would be more comfortable if you can write a maximum of 275 words because you need to allot editing time for your essay. Don't assume that your draft is the finished product. Always try to review your work before submission. That is best achieved, considering the time allowance, within 275 words. Believe me, getting used to writing this way will pay off for you in the long run. You will be able to spot presentation errors and correct it for the score boost rather than leaving the errors and getting points deductions for it.

Learn to identify the different Task 2 types, This is a direct question essay. That means, you do not give a vague reference to a response located within the reasoning paragraphs. Instead, you outline the topics for the reasoning paragraphs by giving one sentence definite responses to every question provided. Please remember that the opening and closing paragraphs need a minimum of 3 sentences to help boost your TA and GRA scores.

Try to use non memorized phrases for your concluding paragraph opening. Rather than saying "In conclusion", change it up to show a familiarity with the English language. You could say "Based on the given information" or "Considering all the facts", as paragraph openers. That way you show that you have a good grasp of the English language and not just a memorized method of writing.

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