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IELTS: People do unhealthy activities. Why and give solutions.


kantyjang 8 / 15  
Jul 27, 2016   #1
TOPIC:
Science tells us some activities are good for our health and there are some unhealthy activities. But millions of people still do those unhealthy activities. Why? What can we do to change this situation?


These days, more and more people develop unhealthy habits although science promotes healthy lifestyles. In this essay, I will explain the causes of this trend and give some suggestions to address these problems.

There are three main reasons why people are reluctant to change unhealthy habits and lifestyles. At first, many people are always busy on working day and night because of the fierce competition in work nowadays, which would lead a fast-paced lifestyle. As a result, people not only have diets dominated by junk food frequently, but also have no time to exercise regularly. Under this high working stress, people even could not keep a regular sleep schedule. Secondly, as material life is prosperous increasingly, some unhealthy social management contributes to unhealthy habits, such as smoking, hangover and high-calorie, high-cholesterol diets in parties. Thirdly, many people are likely to stay at home always at their leisure time rather than social outside or do some outdoor activities resulting from the convenience of the technological development. For instance, people could be surfing the Internet or watching TV on the bed all days, and just call some take-out fast food when they are hungry.

A range of measures could be taken to tackle these problems from people as individuals and governments of our society. It is significant that improve people health awareness that if you had no physical health, you could not do any work to make money or anything others. In other words, people would build a healthy and competitive workforce as long as they had healthy, balanced diets; made exercise a regular part of lives and kept regular sleep schedules. Also, governments should do some efforts to promote healthy lifestyles, such as installing exercise equipment in parks and publishing some health-oriented magazines and websites as well as health programs on TV.

In conclusion, three main reasons are responsible for the unhealthy activities of people. However, I believe that under the efforts of everyone and governments, people's lives would be much healthier than before in the future.

Dear all my friends at EF:
I am so sorry for a long time I have not submit my writing practice because I was access denied for a few days.
As the administrator said, maybe I have given some poor comments.
However, I want to tell you my friends, I tried my best to comment correctly at EF and gave advices which I could ensure they are right.

As you know, my English is not very well. I am not a native speaker. I still learning now. I couldn't give any advices if I were not sure, which I think is irresponsible very much.

I have learnt a lot English writing skills at EF not only from advices I received but also when I revised others' topic at EF even though they are small mistakes.

The two ways are both helpful for me.
Thank you all my friends here for comprehending me.
Yours Keely

justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Jul 27, 2016   #2
Hi Keely, it's just quiet off when you get denied access in sharing your feedback here on EF, however, you have to consider that, here on EF, you cannot just give a two liner or your opinion to the task or the writing project. The goal in sharing feedback here on EF is to make sure that the project will be enhanced, modified and be ready for submission. When you say, you provided the best comment in order to correct the task, you also have to consider that, it may not be up to the standard of the English language ruling.

One more thing that you have to consider is the fact that, you are not able to create or write a well written essay, you yourself needs guidance in writing, so maybe, this is not the time that you consider yourself as an editor or contributor. Having said that, don't fret, because learning the language and to get better if not the best at it is a process, a progress, that sometimes may take slow but you can be assured that it advances as you go along.

Moving forward, in this essay, you were able to fairly write and answer the prompt. You made sure that you use the appropriate words to incorporate in your sentences and this is a very good technique in assuring that your essay will be understood by your readers.

Furthermore, I have a few suggestions for the last paragraph of the essay;

- In conclusion,this three main reasons
- I believe that under theall efforts of everyone and governmentsthe person ,
- people's lives wouldcan be much healthier than before in the future .

There you have it Keely, I hope the above modifications are useful and do let us know should you need further assistance .
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Jul 29, 2016   #3
Hi Keely, it is really nice to see that finally the moderator in this forum release your account from suspension. I reckon that it is not only because of poor comments. I have seen some of your comments were only copy and paste. I think that it is the major reason why did you get suspended. Members and contributors in this forum are struggling really hard to give their best in delivering feedback. No need to always write this...

"My English is not very well, and I still learning now.
I hope we can learn from each other more.

Keely"


...in all your messages or comments in this forum. Try to observe carefully and learn what kind of feedback that is considered meaningful to other members. If you can only find minor grammatical mistakes, do not just point that out directly and give corrections. By doing that, your comment will only consist of 1 or 2 sentences. If you have a difficulty to find grammatical mistakes because the writer is already good, try to appreciate what has been written by him/her. Appreciating someone's work is also one of the ways to compose a meaningful feedback instead of only giving corrections. Additionally, apart from appreciating someone's writing, you can also give further suggestions for the development of the essay itself. You need to keep in mind that there is no perfect writing after-all. Rooms for improvement are always existed. This will train your critical thinking ability too.

However, with regards to your essay I think that if you want to reach band 6 or above, thesis statement and outline thesis statement is really crucial. Instead of writing this "In this essay, I will explain the causes of this trend and give some suggestions to address these problems." it is better to explain it briefly what are the causes and what are the solutions. You can explain it by using keywords. Remember that all ideas have their own keywords. Find them and write them in your introduction paragraph. Good luck for the next practice Keely :)


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