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Ielts task 2: Many people value money and fame over desire to win.

tran14 12 / 26 7  
Sep 7, 2017   #1
In the past, sporting champions used to be motivated primarily by the desire to win the match or to break world records. These days, they are more likely to be motivated by the prize money and the opportunity to be famous.

What message does this send to young people and how does this attitude to sport affect the sports themselves?

championship for money and fame

In retrospect, the main purpose of sport champions for winning is to defeat other competitors or to make new world records. In contrast, recently, there has been a tendency that people involved in this field aim to win in order to achieve fame as well as material value. This trend sends a message to the young which will be discussed in this essay along with the solutions to fix the problem.

The phenomenon means that more and more athletes nowadays no longer care about sport value. Instead, it is replaced by money concern. This is a plain result of a shift in the way human beings think about and judge others. As worldwide economy grows dramatically every single day, which thereby becomes the most pivotal issue each individual has to pay attention to, one person's status and traits are now based on finance and reputation. In the sense that people who do not earn a considerable amount of income or fame are considered as unimportant or even worthless, many individuals in various fields, not just sport, tend to leave behind pure value of their jobs and join in the race of gaining money and popularity.

There is no doubt that this results in several problems. One of them is that current and future generations of sport players will downplay the significance of true value and beauty of this field. If this issue keeps occurring and we have no precaution for it, sport will eventually turn into a tool for making money and reputation, which means it will not serve the right purpose that is bettering our mental and physical health anymore. In addition to this, the possibility of cheating may emerge as well, since the inspirational and spiritual motivation is replaced by material one that often makes human negatively motivated.

In conclusion, winning championship for money and fame is the consequence of economic growth and changes in public perception. This phenomenon causes negative impacts on sport, thus must be prevented at any cost.

Holt [Contributor] - / 7,927 2183  
Sep 7, 2017   #2
Tran, you deviated from the specified prompt discussion. There are no problems and solutions to be discussed. The only requirement is that you discuss the message of this new development in sports mindset and how it affects those who play sports. Where in the original prompt did you get the idea that you were supposed to present a solution to the problem? Here is the appropriate prompt representation that should have guided you in the writing of this essay:

Sports used to be all abut a desire to win and create almost unbeatable world records. However, a change in the mindset of the athletes has been developing. The athletes are now motivated less by a desire to win and break world records and are more interested in the prize money and fame that accompanies these accomplishments. This essay will discuss what message this change in focus has conveyed to the youth. Additionally, a discussion will be presented regarding how the focus on financial rewards has affected the way sports are played.

Your introduction paragraph starts with the words "In retrospect..." Which indicates that a previous discussion or statement has already been made and a look back is currently underway. Since this is the start of the discussion, that phrase should not have been used. The use of that term forced you to immediately discuss the prompt topic rather than go through the proper format that requires a well developed opening paraphrase instead. Major TA points deductions will take place because of that error.

Your third paragraph, that presents a solution discussion which is not required will also result in a severely lowered TA score. I don't think that this essay would get a passing score in an actual setting because the prompt deviation from the actual task is just too great. The fact that your conclusion continues to highlight the mistake in the discussion format clearly indicates that you did not understand the prompt requirements, did not discuss the topic properly, and that you have a severe problem with your English comprehension skills.

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