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'People visit museums for many reasons' - visiting museums during travel


soroushx2x 2 / 5  
Dec 17, 2011   #1
Hello,
I am preparing myself for my Ielts test and It would be my pleasure if you can help me.

"Many people visit museums when they travel to a new place. Why do you think people visit museums. use specific reasons and examples to support you idea"

People visit museums for many reasons. Some of them are really interested in museums and history. Some of them just look at museums as a place for passing their times. And some other people visit museums because it is the best place which you can have most enjoyment with less problems with the speaking in the current language of that strange place. But the point is that museums are very popular in different sorts of people. Let me give you some reasons to support my idea.

First of all , museums are fascinating place for people who are interested in history because it is a location for collecting all stuffs which they want to see. A place for knowing more about history of a special thing or heritage of a particular age and epoch or background of a specific region. So it is attractive enough for Not only historians but also ordinary people to make a bee line to the museums for entertain and learn.

On the other hand, suppose that you are in a strange place and you are not able to make conversation with other people because of your incapacitation to speak and understand in current language of that place. So museum would be a good choice for you to make, because actually you need no special ability to comprehend and sense what are you seeing. Just there are some basic information like a digit as the year of discovery or excavate of that ancient thing or something like that you will be able to understand with the first glance.

Moreover, ancient objects like skeletons or remnants of a special period or region are fascinating enough to absorb different kinds of people to come and see and ponder about them. For showing you the correctness of my claim I can invite you to a museum and you can see that many people who are not historians or even history followers. they are some people who just enjoying what they are seeing.

In summery, I tried to give you all my reasons to supporting my opinion about the advantage of museums. As I mentioned museums are a place for many sorts of people.

thank you
soroush,

tehfunkicookie 19 / 50  
Dec 17, 2011   #2
Hey Soroushx2x!

I think your essay is kind of repetitive.

Personally for me, I don't like it when people tell the reader, "Please let explain" or "I will do this...". I think the reader already knows what you are going to talk about, but it's your choice on whether or not to edit out the Let me give you some reasons to support my idea.

You can combine sentences like in the first paragraph: People visit museums for many reasons: Some of them are really interested in museums and history. Some of them just look at museums as a place for passing their times. And some other people visit museums because it is the best place which you can have most enjoyment with less problems with the speaking in the current language of that strange place. you can add comas and colons to make it a list of reasons. you repeat some so many times its tedious to read.

Small grammar errors:
N ot only historians (should be a lower case n)
RUN ON: A place for knowing more about history of a special thing or heritage of a particular age and epoch or background of a specific region.

So museum would be a good (add an "a" in between so and museum
make, because actually (you don't need the comma)

there are other grammar errors within this essay. I think you need to take more time and think about what to write.

Sorry for being really harsh!!! But I think you're able to make it into a better essay.

Thanks =)
OP soroushx2x 2 / 5  
Dec 17, 2011   #3
thank you for your tips.
I'm sorry but I wrote it myself. I don't know how it could be repetitive?
but, is it a passable essay at all? If yes, what is it's mark in you opinion?

thank :))
princedynasty 15 / 57 4  
Dec 22, 2011   #4
I have looked up the word "incapacitation" and have no results.
Maybe you mean "incapacity"???
so the sentence should be:
...because of your incapacity of speaking and understanding in current language of that place.
"stuffs" are a rather informal word, it should be replaced by things, or objects because Ielts often require academic English writing level.
I hope this helps you a little :D
stellastella 18 / 25  
Dec 23, 2011   #5
Your essay is quite a good essay without any grammer errors; however, in conclusion you always have to refer to three points which you have mentioned in bodies. Try to do it in your next essays.

Best Wish
OP soroushx2x 2 / 5  
Dec 23, 2011   #6
thank you stella s. I didnt know that before, thank you for telling this point... :)


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