living and working away from home
For many people, sacrifices have to be made to do jobs. To keep our position, we do whatever is required and go wherever needs to be. It is common for people to leave their families and work elsewhere. In this essay I will analyse pros and cons of this situation.
Being away from home can help people be more focused and as a result can get promotion at work quicker. If we are close to our house and be with family every day, we may be distracted by home issues or interupted by our children and spouse. Whatever we are doing, when we put 100% of our thought and energy to it, we become very efficient and even very creative. Another benefit of staying away from home is that we have more time for self. Sometimes responsibilities for work and family keep us busy and do not think about taking care of ourselves. I used to enjoy reading books a lot but I stop that habit after I have my first child. In the last six months my company sent me to Singapore to support operation process there, I have started to my hobby again and feel very happy. I realise that going back home I have to allocate time for books that I want to read as they are very important food for my mind and my soul.
What are the drawbacks of working in a distant place and cannot meet our family daily? There are many. The most noticeable disadvantage is the feeling of loneliness. Even though we always have our colleagues and new friends at work, they can not compensate family relationship. Whenever going back to our room, we will miss our parents, spouse or children who always welcome us after we are back from work. We also miss the stories they share with us about what have been happening in their worlds. In difficult situations such as being sick or having challenges at work, we know we even need our family more. They are always beside us and take care of our wellbeing. From my experience, my husband cannot always help me to find a solution to my issue but he will listen to me and encourage met to be decisive and brave. Without him besides, I think that I will be less confident at work and in life in general.
In conclusion, there exist both positive and negative effects on any one who has to stay away from home and work elsewhere. Before choosing to reallocate for a job, we need to prepare ourselves in advance by analysing what we will expect. I believe that living and working away from home is always very interesting experience for any of us. sacrifices have to be made to do jobs --> I think you should add more articles sacrifices
@dohoa
Speaking of technicalities, I would advise you to be wary of the following: punctuation, length of sentences (ie. dragging sentences longer than they need to), overburdening your structure (ie. making complex ones when you can opt for simpler ones), and incoherent lines.
I recommend that as you are rereading and revising your essay, you should try to be more aware of small details that can influence the overall flow of the essay. Try to replace parts of the essay that can have more appropriate content. Try to also watch out for possibly becoming lazy when it comes to constructing your sentences (ie. using the word very instead of allocating a more in-depth adjective).
Let's take a look at some portions of your text and revise accordingly.
Being away from home can help people focus on tasks, resulting to quicker promotions. [...] It does not matter what we are doing; when we put all our energy into it, we can be efficient and innovative. [...]
Notice how I tried to move around the word forms in the first sentence to create more of an organic flow. I also removed the word very in front of efficient as the latter is already indicative of quite a high performance attitude (therefore is unnecessary to put too much). Creative is a word that can also be interpreted in many ways; try to be use synonymous terms instead.
I have also noticed that you had a tendency to keep repeating specific terms to pertain to family members. Instead of doing this, you can opt to say that they're your immediate family. Doing techniques such as this can make your essay writing simpler and yet effective in relaying the same line of thought.
If we go more in-depth in the third paragraph, I would revise the last portions as:
[...]
In difficult situations such as sickness and work-related challenges, we tend to seek for our family's companionship more as they take care of our well-being. From my experience, even though my husband cannot always find a solution to my issues, he will listen and encourage me to be decisive and brave. Therefore, there is less confidence in work and life when I am without him.
Being precise with your words is pivotal when you are curating essays. Be wary that your sentence structure can impact the overall quality of your essay, therefore you should opt to try and spice things up through having more organic content.
Best of luck.
Dear Maria, thank you very much for your helpful comments. I have read them very carefully. Best regards, Hoa
