Unanswered [3] / Urgent [0] / SERVICES
Home / Writing Feedback   3

TOEFL - People work to earn money to have welfare

The most important aspect of a job is the money a person earns. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

There is no doubt that the main reasons of people for working is the money. They work to earn money to have welfare. From my point of view as much as money which a person earn from their job is important, there are the other aspects of work which are more important than salary.

To begin with, I have always believed that individuals have to enjoy doing whatever, such as education and work. In my opinion it is never worth that people make a huge amount of salary; however, do a job which they do not like it. Some scientists say doing such a job without enjoying it after a while causes some problems for people such as mental disorders, nervousness and depression.

What is more, job satisfaction is the other aspect of a work . It is important for me that, in addition of an enjoyable job, the company or the office which I am working for provide benefits. For instance, meal voucher, parking voucher, promotion and if I ask for taking a day off my employee accepts my request which are rare in most of works nowadays.

All in all, although money is one of the aspects of careers, it is not the main aspects. There are some other factors which play important role in a good job such as enjoying doing that job and job satisfaction.

It is a 228 word essay.
If you wish to score 27+ in TOEFL essay, it should be at least 350-400 words.

A Simple Template : (At least 5 paragraphs)
1. Introduction
2. First Point. Example
3. Second Point. Example
4. Counter Arguments that some people might point. And how you counter them...
5. Conclusion

PS : I am new to this forum. I am not sure if only moderaters are suposed to review essays here. If so, kindly ignore my comment. :)
Dec 20, 2011   #3
To catch the idea why the organization works and how you can use that info to your advantage of earning money, you must first capture the working point, how CEO's, Presidents, VPs, managers, and supervisors act and think. When it comes to these people, they consider only two things :- self-preservation and self-promotion. So learn your responsibilities and then earn more money because people trust people who can get the job done.

Home / Writing Feedback / TOEFL - People work to earn money to have welfare