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Ielts writing task 2 - Most people nowadays work just for a living

Ane Linah 1 / -  
Sep 15, 2020   #1

people work because they need money to live.

What are some other reasons that people work? Discuss one or more of these reasons.

most people nowadays work just for a living because it is regarded as being too stressful. however. I still believe that some people choose going to work for other reasons.

First of all, they find a job to have the sense of hapiness. I know lots of people who are very wealthy but they still go to work to meet colleagues and have fun during work. It helps them enjoy much more meaningful lives instead of staying at home and do the chores. Thanks to working, they have the chance to wear off fashionable clothes as well as sharing their life story.

Secondly, workplaces are one of the best places to acquire useful knowledge about many fields, especially the one that relates to our jobs. People easily obtain majored information that no where else has because there are tons of meetings every months in which each employee discuss different opinions of specific problems. They can also gain soft skills such as leadership, communcation, etc.

To put it in a nutshell, people get jobs for different purposes, not for the way round. Our lives' quality is getting better day by day, which means human do not attach too much importance to make ends meets so they will tend to work just for recreational reasons

----please give me some feedback, thank you so much indeed!
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,879 4563  
Sep 16, 2020   #2
There are four reasons why this essay will not gt a passing band score in an actual test. The reasons are:
- You have written 213/250 words. Severe percentage deductions will be applied to due to the word count error.
- Errors in spelling that were uncorrected
- Errors in grammar that were not edited and revised
- Vocabulary problems based on a presentation of overused English expressions (In a nutshell...)

The most striking error in this presentation is how you started the paraphrased presentation with a small letter instead of a capitalized letter. Kindly remember that the first word of a sentence / new paragraph is always capitalized. That is to differentiate it from the other parts of a sentence presentation. You have not properly paraphrased the original content, based on the first sentence of the original presentation. You need to add a properly paraphrased topic sentence in the presentation. You are also offering an opinion ( I still believe) towards the end of the paragraph when you are only being asked to provide reasons, rather than an opinion regarding the given topic. So these errors alone will pull down the TA score to a non-passing mark.

You gave stress as a reason in the first paragraph but then failed to discuss it as a part of one of the 2 reasoning presentations. In fact, your response outline in the first paragraph lacks the 2 reasons topic presentation. When you mention it as a response to the question in the first paragraph, you have to discuss it in the second. If you don't, then the essay loses coherence and cohesion. There is no connection between paragraphs.

Etc. is a non-academic word. Avoid using such words in your academic presentation. Always complete the thought process in the paragraph. Explain yourself clearly to the reader. You also have this habit of using English expressions out of context. Since you are obviously not familiar with English word usage to the extent of using phrases and expressions properly, avoid doing so. It can affect your LR and GRA scores negatively.

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