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IELTS-W-2: people work in more than one job, and often change career several times during their life

SYDA 11 / 21 2  
Nov 22, 2016   #1
please help to know my mistake and mark in 4 criterion in writing task 2: task achievement, coherence and cohesion,
lexical resource, grammatical range and accuracy.

These days, people work in more than one job, and often change career several times during their life. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

In rapidly changing business world, there has a tendency among employees to rotate their job frequently in their professional life. Even some of them is more likely to do several jobs. It is argued that this tendency has certain benefits and drawbacks. This essay will firstly, discuss the way of finding passionate job as one of the main positive side of this and secondly, outline the misleading for achieving the main career goal.

Job rotation is regarded as one of the finest ways of findings one's passion. It allows one to understand which one is suitable for one's career. If someone involve in freelancing and he has an experience on photography as well as a managers of enterprise, so later on he can analysis which one is the best choice of his career to achieve his long term target. In addition to this, maybe this way he will be sound financially and mentally for the rest of his life.

However, the high risk of losing ultimate career goals is the main downside of changing job frequently in the professional life. Actually doing in more than one job bring new opportunities as well as threats. This threat may impact adversely among employees; they then may lose their motivation to give their best performance. As consequences of this, people will be distracted from their ultimate targets. if they fall such situation ,so they could not to restart their life spontaneously.

In conclude, the alteration of jobs in the career life has been an effect that could be positive or negative in employees'' aim in professional tracks. It is common argument its positive effect how much more than negative one. I believe that before changing job one should analysis the risk factors related to this.

Thanks in advance :-)

yurikeyuri 43 / 61 2  
Nov 23, 2016   #2
Hello, let me give my correction for you

some of them isare more

finding the passionate

someone involveinvolves in

experience onin photography as well as a managers

long termlong-term target

thank you
Holt - / 7,528 2001  
Nov 25, 2016   #3
Hi Syeda, I see that you have already been scored for this essay so I will not bother to rate this essay again. Instead, I will focus on the problem points and offer a few suggestions that I hope, can assist you in further improving your writing task 2 skills. It saddens me that this essay did not develop as well as your previous task 1 summary. Since they are two different essay styles though, I will not fault you for the failure of this essay over the other one.

Let's start with the summary overview of this essay. I agree that it was confusing and ended up deviating from the prompt response. When you write your summary, you need to learn how to pick out keywords that will help you in developing your summary statement / introduction. Let me show you an example of this using the previous prompt. The keywords here are as follows:

people work in more than one job
change career several times
advantages and disadvantages

So your summary overview for this essay should have gone something like this:

In today's modern world, it is not uncommon for a person to have more than one job. The type of job that he has over time can also change because of certain factors. Just like in everything in life, the need for multiple jobs and career changes offer specific advantages and disadvantages over time for the professional worker. This essay will reflect upon the advantages and disadvantages of working several jobs and the advantages and disadvantages of constantly changing careers.

Note that the keywords are represented in the essay and, because I presented it in a different manner, allowed me to better develop the discussion slant for the essay.

In the second paragraph, you were really well on your way to an accurate presentation of your opinion up until the part where you mentioned being financially and mentally sound in the future. Here is a tip for you. Present only one subject topic in your paragraph. Once you mention a topic for discussion in the first sentence, do not ruin the discussion by presenting a second reason at the end that you cannot fully discuss. One fully developed discussion will get a higher rating than two under developed reasons. Remember that. This is a problem that plagued your essay and could have been easily avoided if you did not over-reach in your topic discussions.

By the way, when it comes to your lexical resource, I noticed that you tried to use complicated words in your essay without really knowing the meaning or relevance (if any) of the words that you chose to use in your essay. While using complicated and complex vocabulary can increase your score, if you show an ignorance of the word meaning and usage, then you will have defeated the purpose of using complicated vocabulary. It is better to use simple words that you are familiar with the meaning of in relation to your discussion. That is because getting an adequate score using simple vocabulary will result in your passing the test. Keeping it simple will not hurt you. Making it complicated without considering whether your vocabulary applies to the discussion or not will result in your final lexical resource score hurting your final score.

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