IELTS writing task 1: level of education of Bulgarians planning to leave from Bulgaria
My name is Ha, I am studying IELTS by myself. I have problems for writing skill so I wish you help me correct my writing task. Thanks a lot!
The chart shows the percentage of Bulgarian people having intention to move into another country for three levels of studying (higher education, secondary education and primary or lower education), over a three- year period.
Overall, all the year, most of Bulgarians going overseas for secondary education while only a few Bulgarian people left their home country for studying university.
Turning to the details, in 2002 there was 65 percent of Bulgarian people taking general school in abroad. This figure declined slightly in following years and reached the bottom at around 59 percent.
In contrast, it tends to go up when Bulgarians chose primary or junior secondary education from 18 percent in 2002 to 32 percent in 2008, a rise of nearly double.
However, there was a fluctuation in choice studying at university of Bulgarian people. It slightly increased by 3 percent from 17 percent in 2002 to 20 percent in 2006. Then this rate went down strongly and reached the lowest number - 9 percent in 2008.
Well, you should upload your graph to enable us providing meaningful feedback.
The chart shows the percentage of Bulgarian people having intention to move into another country for three levels of studying (higher education, secondary education and primary or lower education)(1) , over a three- year period.(2)
1. This phrase is too long. I like if you write something shorter like: primary, secondary and high education.
2. It is better if you write the year as in the question. For example: from 2002 to 2008, between 2002 and 2008, 2002-2008, etc.
Overall,all the year, most of Bulgarians goingtravel overseas for pursuing secondary education while only a few [javascript:paste_strinL(selektion,3,'','','')s]Bulgarian people them left their home country for studying university.
Turning to the detailsa more detailed analysis , in 2002 there was 65 percent of Bulgarian people taking general school(1)in abroad. This figure declined slightly in following years and reached the bottom at around 59 percent.(2)
1. What do you mean about general school, make it clear and specific. Is that primary or secondary school?
2. When it happened? please mention it.
In contrast, it tends to go up when Bulgarians chose primary or junior secondary education from 18 percent in 2002 to 32 percent in 2008(1) , a rise of(2) nearly double.
1. The structure seems a bit boring: From 18 to 32 per cent in 2002 and 2008 respectively.
2. After preposition should be followed by noun. But for this case, you can write: representing a rise nearly double.
However, there was a fluctuation in choice studying at university of Bulgarian people.(1) It slightly increased by 3 percent from 17 percent in 2002 to 20 percent in 2006. Then(2) this rate went down stronglydramatically and reachedhit the lowest number - 9 percent in 2008.
1. Bulgarian people who decide to study at university showed a fluctuation trend during the period.
2. .... 2006, but then ...
Hope it helps. Good luck!
