Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback % width Posts: 3

IELTS1: the percentage change in house price in five different urban areas in different countries


vuthuylinh2611 9 / 31 10  
Mar 23, 2020   #1
I would appreciate your comment on my essay below:

Average house price changes in 5 cities



The bar chart illustrates the percentage change in house price in five different urban areas in different countries from 1990 to 2002 in comparison with the average house price in 1989. As can be seen from the chart, house prices in the cities in question decreased or increased very slightly during the first six years while the second period from 1996 to 2002 saw an increase in most cities.

In the first period from 1990 to 1995, three in five cities had negative rates of average house prices change namely Tokyo, London and New York. Tokyo and London both had a 7.5% drop while houses in New York were sold at 5% lower prices than in 1989. Madrid and Frankfurt experienced slight rise of approximately 2%.

In the next 7 years, however, houses in most cities were sold at higher prices compared to 1989. Average house price change in London surged from -7.5% to 12%. Average amount of money spent on a house in New York, Madrid and Frankfurt increased 5%, 4% and 1.5% respectively compared to that in 1989. The reduction of house price in Tokyo also contracted to 5% compared to 7.5% in the previous period.




Holt [Contributor] - / 8,157 2307  
Mar 23, 2020   #2
Your time frame reference is incorrect as per chart representations. The chart indicates that measurements started in 1989, you claim it started in 1190. That made your overview summary inaccurate and as such, it improperly informs the reader. Your data is no longer accurate so your TA score will be affected. The overview summary should have included the names of the 5 countries included in the list as part of the reference material. It helps the reader to know what to expect from the discussion and what the reference points will be throughout the data paragraphs.

Try to use less commonly used words in your presentation. Saying "... in the previous period" is already commonplace in these essays. Change it up to help increase your LR and GRA scores. You could say something like "in the earlier period" to show a more advanced sentence structure. Basically, the most score affecting mistake I have seen in your work is your lack of editing skills in terms of your content. Always double check your written information for accuracy. Make sure it is always the same as the information in the chart. Otherwise, you lose the accuracy of the presented information.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS1: the percentage change in house price in five different urban areas in different countries