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TASK 1: the percentage of common vehicles used by holidaymakers during their vacation in New Zealand


Iforsa 35 / 54 5  
Aug 14, 2016   #1
TASK 1: International Visitors to New Zealand: Transport Used During visit

The chart illustrates information about the percentage of common vehicles used by holidaymakers during their vacation in New Zealand. According to the data, public transportation becomes the dominant transportation for tourism in Nez Zealand.

The table indicates that automobile is the most renowned transport with 68% users. There are two types mode of transportation have same percentage at over 30 percent, plane and coach. That train operated by tourist in New Zealand at 20 per cent, is the third most august transportation. The most transport is rarely used for visitors in New Zealand is boat.
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 776 309  
Aug 14, 2016   #2
Hi Sofi, first of all, if you want to upload a Task 1 IELTS writing, you are suggested to upload the diagram/graph/table/picture. This will help the reader/examiner read and check your essay thoroughly and easily. Therefore, it will be beneficial towards your IELTS writing skill later on.

Second of all, I think that you need to know that the MINIMUM words limit for task 1 in IELTS is 150 words. Writing 95 words would badly damage your final grade in IELTS writing, especially task 1.

Furthermore, you can see the detailed descriptions of your errors below.

1st paragraph:
- The chart illustrates information about the percentage of common vehicles used by holidaymakers during their vacation in New Zealand. (in what year?)
- According to the dataOverall, it can be seen that, public transportation becomes the dominant transportation for tourism in NezNew Zealand. (is it in 2016? recent issue? why did you use present tense form?)

2nd paragraph:
- There are two types mode(mode and types are the same) of transportation that have sameequal percentage at over 30 percent, those are plane and coach. (another present form, is it truly a recent issue?)

- ThatMeanwhile, trainis/was(I have no idea about the graphs timeline, so I wrote in two formats) operated by tourist in New Zealand athas reached 20 per cent. (period, new sentence) This is the third most august transportation. (what does August mean anyway?noble?precious? it didn't collocate well either.) The most inconvenient transportation that is rarely used forby visitors in New Zealand is boat.

There you are Sofi, I hope this would be helpful.

Cheers :)
Ilmi_03 47 / 69 11  
Aug 14, 2016   #3
Hi, Sofi :)
Firstly, it seem that your writing is too short. I doubt that it include 150 words, as the requirement of writing IELTS Task 1.
Also, i found some inappropriate words and phrases.
Here are my suggestions. I hope it will be helpful.

Overall, it is noticeable that public transportation becomes the popular means for tourism in New Zealand.

A closer look to the data reveals that automobile is the most renowned transport with 68% users. There are two types mode of transportation which have identical percentage, at over 30 percent....


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