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The percentage of inconvenience people who live in other countries, categorized in troubles and ages


M3L1 26 / 6 11  
Nov 10, 2015   #1
ielts task 1 - integration problems for people living abroad

The charts displays the percentage of inconvenience people who live in other countries, categorized in troubles and ages.

The highest trouble for young adult aged 18 to 34 is chumming, 46 percent of people in this category experienced it. Nevertheless, there are only 36 percent of people aged 35 to 54 who detected to have difficulties of making friend, while for people aged above 55 years old have the less problem of all.

In learning the local language category, 54 percent of the elderly have this problem. In contrast, the youngest age group find it easier to learn the local language, and rate at 29 percent of this problem. Contradiction to the language-learning category, oldest people has the least problem in finding lodging, it is only 22 percent. However, for the other two age group of people, this is the important problem. Rating in 39 to 40 percent of each group finding it is hard to accommodate themselves.

Overall, all people have experience problems to some extent, but the oldest people have the highest percentage in learning local language category than the others.




vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Nov 10, 2015   #2
Meliana, there are actually 2 major problems with your current report summary which can adversely affect your overall score. The first problem, is that your summary paragraph is too short. You have supplied a single sentence summary when the standard requirement is at least 3 sentences. A single sentence summary is considered not only incomplete, but uninformative as well. Large points will be deducted for that mistake in an actual test. The same problem exists with your conclusion for the very same reasons. Please work on developing your summary and conclusion writing skills so as to improve your practice and actual test scores.

The second problem that you need to pay attention to is the way you use the terms that are supplied in the charts. Do not change the terms that are used. Keep the original terms from the report because the examiner will compare the chart with your essay and see that you did not use the original terms. For example, you used the term "chumming" when the actual report said "making friends". The whole tone of the report changed when you did that. It went from formal academic to casual informal. As you know these reports are considered serious and academic in nature as in the real world, you would be using these sorts of essays for your dissertation writing as part of your masters degree completion or your thesis writing when attending college. Therefore, you must always keep the professional tone of the essay.

Now, for the grammar clean up:

The charts displays the percentage of inconvenience people who live in other countries, categorized in troubles and ages EXPERIENCE.

The highest trouble INCONVENIENCE for young adultS aged 18 to 34 is chumming MAKING FRIENDS, 46 percent of people in this category experienced it. Nevertheless, there are only 36 percent of people aged 35 to 54 who detected CLAIMED to have difficulties of IN making friendS, while for people aged above 55 years old have the less LEAST problem of all.

In learning the local language category, 54 percent of the elderly have this problem. In contrast, the youngest age group find FOUND it easier to learn the local language, and AT A rate at OF 29 percent of this problem . Contradiction CONTRARY to the language-learning category, THE oldest people has HAD the least problem in finding lodging, it is only 22 percent. However, for the other two age groupS of people, this is the important problem. Rating in 39 to 40 percent of each group finding FOUND it is hard to accommodate HARD TO FIND SOMEWHERE TO LIVE FOR themselves.

Overall, all people have experienceD problems to some extent, but the oldest people have the highest percentage in learning local language category PREDICAMENT than the others.

Meliana, there are 2 books that can help you improve your writing skills for the IELTS that I hope you will learn how to use. The first book is a thesaurus, that book contains the synonym words or words that are different in spelling but mean the same thing. the other book, is a dictionary, to help you make sure that the word you have opted to use has the meaning that you want to convey. The latter book would have helped you out a lot when you were trying to choose the correct word to use in place of "contradiction". You can find free online versions of those 2. I hope you can use those during your next personal practice test :-)


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