Unanswered [10] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

The percentage of individuals holding on science categories in Malaysia and Singapore


bung ilham 14 / 30  
Aug 19, 2016   #1
The chart below gives information about science qualifications held by people in two countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words.

The bar graph shows the percentage of individuals holding on science categories in Malaysia and Singapore. Overall, Malaysian in school leaving exams and no qualification in science are higher than Singaporean whereas in bachelor's degree, Singaporean are higher than Malaysian. In addition, both Malaysian and Singaporean in master's degree are the least percentage of these qualifications.

In terms of no science qualification at all, people in Malaysia hold around 65% on this as opposed to exactly 60% of people in Singapore. In addition to, 35% Malaysian are with school leaving exams whereas the number of Singaporean is 5% lower.

On the other hand, there is a significant difference in the percentage of people having science qualification of fresh graduated degree between two countries, while the proportion of Singaporean is higher than that of Malaysian (approximately 20% and 10% respectively). Interestingly, both of the people in Malaysia and Singapore holding qualification of master's degree level are less than 5 percent of total population in two countries. (165 words)


  • science qualification in two countries

akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Aug 19, 2016   #2
Hi Ilham.
Honestly, I really like to read your writing because this is free of many errors grammatically. However, there are some improvements which you need to develop the good writing. Let me help you.


OVERALL, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT THE FIGURE OF SINGAPORE IS ONLY ABLE TO DOMINATE THE PERCENTAGE OF THE SCIENCE QUALIFICATION IN THE DEGREE OF BACHELOR. FURTHERMORE, THERE IS A WIDE GAP BETWEEN BOTH CATEGORIES OF MASTER'S DEGREE AND NO QUALIFICATION IN THOSE COUNTRIES.

(I give you the alternative overview because yours seems heavy. I think you can bring your matters to the reality condition and make it more simple.)

Note: You should remember that the good paragraph should consist more than 2 sentences. I cannot find that in this writing. Following that, you should expose the comparisons in the writing clearly. It will give you the higher score in the writing test.

OVERALL, IT IS A GOOD JOB

happy Writing
-----------------
RezaAnandatama17 8 / 13 3  
Aug 19, 2016   #3
Let me rewrite the introduction ...

A breakdown of the the number of people who are holding science qualification in Malaysia and Singapore is illustrated in bar chart. Overall, It is important to notice that the such mentioned countries experiences a decline of number people holding a science certificate when it comes to the higher level of educations. The percentage of Malaysians who have no experience in science breaks the record as the highest compared with other's categorizes.


Home / Writing Feedback / The percentage of individuals holding on science categories in Malaysia and Singapore