The percentage of initial-year teachers from recruitment. Writing Task 1 HAL 35 UNIT C

A comparison of the information about the percentage of initial-year teachers from recruitment of teachers according to the year of graduation in Ontario is shown in this line chart between 2001 and 2007. Overall, the proportion of first-year teachers of France language was higher than English language. There was a downward trend in the percentage of English language teachers while in contrast, the proportion of France language teachers went up slightly.

2001 witnessed more than 70% of fresh graduated was recruited became France language teachers. The percentage of teacher in this subject fluctuated from 2001 and 2003. The proportion of this teachers inclined by 3% from 67% in 2003 to 70% in 2005. Then, there had been a rise of 5% to a peak at 75% in 2007.

The percentage of English language teachers stood at 72% in 2001. There was a dramatic decreased to 40% in 2003. This followed by a slight rose to 45% three years later. Finally, the proportion teacher in this subject plunged to a small number under 30% in 2007.

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Hello,

... this subject fluctuated from 2001 and[to..... from>>to....] 2003.
... 70% of fresh graduated [that]because you use two verb in a sentence, so it need conjunction was recruited became France language teachers
2001 witnessed more than 70% of fresh graduated was recruited ... >>[ time + witnessed + adjective + noun + in + noun]

Gluck :D

Hello Beauty!

... in Ontario is shown in this the line chart between 2001 and 2007.

2001 witnessed more than 70% of fresh graduated was recruited became France language teachers.
For starting information, you should "stood at". Your sentence show increasing but it is the first data.

... teachers inclined by3% from 67% in 2003 to 70% in 2005. Then, there had been a rise of 5% to a peak at 75%in 2007.
Too much number, it will better if you say how much something changed or what has changed
The percentage of teacher in this subject fluctuated between 2001 and 2003. The proportion of this teachers inclined by 3 percent from 2003 to 2005. Then, the number of french teachers reached a peak at 75% in 2007.

Keep practice to make it perfect :)