This table presents how costumer expenditure in five different countries in Europe on five different items. At first glance, it is evident that while five countries made use of expenditure dominantly for food, drinks, and tobacco purposes but much less on leisure and education purposes.
Food/ drinks/ tobacco was the largest expenditure item for Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden and Turkey, with all of them spending around more than a quarter from of their income on this, at 28.91%, 16.36%, 18.80%, 15.77%, 32.14%. In contrast, they spend approximately one-twenty on leisure and education. To begin, Turkey had the highest spend of income, at almost one-third or 32,14% on food, drinks and tobacco. Accounting for a lowest amount of used for food, drinks and tobacco purposes was Sweden (15,77%), it was almost a half from Turkey's expenditure. Italy lead the percentage on the clothing and footwear at 9.00% while at the same category, Sweden also take the last place with figure less than 6% or 5.40%. Next, other four countries were around 6%. Interestingly, costumer spending in five countries for leisure and education purposes were very low, less than 5% or around one-twenty from a whole spending proportion.
Hi Sari,
Welcome to EssayForum :)
I can see that this is actually a major problem for most of the new members who practice IELTS task 1. They often forget to upload clear picture/chart/diagram of the essay that they write. This should be avoided next time. You need to know that an IELTS task 1 needs a picture/chart/diagram. Posting a thread without them would make our assessment or correction incomplete.
However, I would like to give general feedback related to paragraphing structure of your essay. In the first paragraph, complete the way that you present the information in the overview / introduction of your essay. You accidentally created only two sentences in what was otherwise a very strong start to your essay. Your mistake was compressing the information into the two sentences you presented. Format your opening statement into at least three sentences this way:
- This table presents... (first sentence)
- At first glance/Overall.. (second sentence)
- In addition/furthermore... (third sentence)
The second paragraph of your essay was too bulky. A paragraph is not necessarily that long. You can just sum up all the information into 3 sentences for each paragraph. Therefore, you will have an essay with 3 paragraphs in total. This would bring significant benefits towards your final grade of your writing.
Hope this helps :)
