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The Percentage of The New Teachers in The Usual Teaching Jobs


hirani03 36 / 50 5  
Aug 29, 2016   #1
The line chart presents information about the percentage of regular teaching jobs in the first-year experience according to teacher graduation year. The period was conducted from 2001 to 2007. Overall, it can be seen that English-language teachers and French-Language teachers on the first term almost started in the same percentage, but it ended in the extremely different points.

In 2001, percentage of someone who teaches French was 70 percent while English teacher was more than that percentage. In the next year, both of criteria experienced a large downward, in contrast with the following time. The English-language educators increased slightly nevertheless another criteria was steady fell. This was the starting point of the alteration for the next year.

Started from 2003 to 2005, both categories inclined slowly. After that time, French-language teacher rose rapidly compared with the other criteria dropped significantly. English-language educators fell into the deep decrease and French-language educators were a gradual fluctuation.

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Aug 29, 2016   #2
Hi Hirani,

Here's my analysis towards your essay.

1st paragraph:
- The line chart presents the information about...
- The periodIt was conducted from 2001 to 2007.
- Overall, it can be seen that, English-language teachers and French-Language teachers on the first term almost started in the same percentage on the first term but eventually, it ended in the extremely different points.

2nd paragraph:
- In 2001, the percentage of someone (...) teacher was more than Frenchthat percentage.
- In the nextfollowing year, both of criteria experienced a large downward, in contrast with the following time.a decline that was contrasted to the previous period.

- ... slightly nevertheless another criteria was steady fell steadily .

As you can see, some modifications are still needed to achieve a well-written essay. Pay more attention on sentence structure and do not forget to upload a picture about this essay. This would help the reader to read and check your essay. Good luck for the next practice :)
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Aug 29, 2016   #3
Hi Hikuma, below are my thoughts on your essay, I hope it helps.
By the way, don't forget the chart next time.

- according to teacher graduation year. - what do you mean by "teacher graduation year"?

- almost started inat the same percentage,
- but it ended in the extremely different points.

- In 2001,the percentage of someone who teaches
-while English teacher was more than that percentage. - when we say "more than that" you have to make sure that you input the corresponding figure

- In the nextThe following year,
- both of criteria experienced a largehuge ( I believe this is a more appropriate word ) downward progress.
- in contrast with the following time.
- slightly nevertheless another, however, the other criteria
- was steady fell steadily .

There you have it Hikuma, I left the rest of the essay for you, I hope you follow thru with the remarks.
Fadhilahumar91 61 / 73 6  
Aug 30, 2016   #4
hi...

according to teacher graduation year....
...that English-language teachers and French-Language teachers on(that English and French-language teacher... avoid repetition)
he first term almost started in at the same percentage,
... both of criteria experienced a large downward trend

thank you


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