Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

The percentage of the population living in urban areas in the world and in different continents.

Yulia Indah 4 / 6 3  
Aug 19, 2017   #1
The given chart shows us the total of urban-living people in diverse countries between 1950 and 2007 and the forecast for future in 2050.

It could be seen noticeably that the total of urban area recidents virtually tended to double in all countries over a 57-year period, except the projection to the future will decrease significantly in Oceania.

From 1950 to 2007, The North America was responsible for thet urban-living people at just over 50%, following by Latin America and Europe, ranging from 50 to 76. However, the total of recidents in those countries reached the peak in 2007 at around 70. Conversely, Asia and Africa had a similar level of urban-living people at just under a half over the period shown, with Asia as the lowest level.

Moving to the projection in 2050, there are two countries will be the most popular for urban-living recidents, North America, Latin America and Europe with just above 80%. In the other hand, The Oceania, Asia and Africa will be at around 67, from 62 to 76 with Africa as the least level.

To sum up, the data gives the information that for those living in urban area grew up between 1950 and 2007 and are still going to incline in 2050.

Somebody.. please help to correct my writing task 1.. Thanks in advance..

tran14 12 / 26 7  
Aug 19, 2017   #2
1) In the introduction, you have to mention the type of the chart.
2) between 1950 and 2007 => in 1950 and 2007, not between. This can cause misunderstanding.
3) Check where to put adv in your sentence.
4) Your overview gives incorrect information.
5) 'urban living people' is repeated several times. Change the word or the score would definitely be lowered.
6) From 1950 to 2007 => you do not know whether the rate dropped in the middle of the 2 years or not, so use 'in' instead.
7) Your way of describing data is not appropriate. Ex: 79% is not 'just over 50%'.
8) following => followed.
9) There is wrong information
10) False spelling
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,199 4315  
Aug 19, 2017   #3
Yulia, there are number of problems with your essay that indicate a possible failing score for it in an actual setting. These problems need to be addressed and corrected in your next essay if you are to begin to improve your writing skills to the point where you can possibly pass the test.

The first problem with your essay is the lack of analytical skill in the summary overview presentation. You did not spend enough time analyzing the information that you were provided so the summary was incomplete and this affected the overall essay presentation. The proper summary overview for the essay should be:

The bar chart provides information regarding the percentage of urban population. The urban populations in Africa, Asia, Europe, Latin America / Carribean, North America, and Oceana were the basis of the survey results. The survey was taken across various time frames namely in the 1950's and 2007, with a projection indicated for the year 2050. This essay will summarize the important points of the chart and deliver comparative information whenever possible.

Based upon the example above, you can clearly see where your first paragraph problems are located. You did not identify the type of illustration you were provided, what countries were included in the discussion, and what sort of discussion is forthcoming in the essay. Your trending statement should have been expanded to cover at least 2 more sentences in order to meet the minimum 3 sentence C&C requirement of the essay as well.

With regards to your information presentation, since the graphs include accurate percentage figures at the top of the bar charts, you need not use presumptive statements or references in the essay. When actual figures are given, factual statements should be applied. Rather than presumptive phrases, comparative phrases should have been used in order to depict a comparative analysis of the provided data.

You did your best to present the analyzed information from the essay. The problems that exist though became drawbacks for your work. These are obstacles that you will need to overcome in your next practice test. I am highly confident that you will be able to do that and I am looking forward to reviewing your next essay because of it.

Home / Writing Feedback / The percentage of the population living in urban areas in the world and in different continents.