Unanswered [11] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2


The percentage of pupils who accomplished their test.


Syahrul08 3 / 2 1  
Jan 18, 2016   #1
The bar chart below shows the percentage of students who passed their high school competency exams, by subject and gender, during the period 2010-2011.

The bar chart compares the percentage of teenagers who graduated in exam high school by theme and femininity from 2010 to 2011. It is important to note that the percentage of women students who took Computer Science more graduated then teenagers in the six subjects. The men students who were the highest percentage of subject graduation by Mathematics.

Based on the figure, The schoolchild women succeeded in Computer science exam stood at 56.3%, which was the highest figure shown on the chart. In contrast, Geography was the lowest percentage of graduation from women, at only 20.1%. The form for graduating on Mathematics and Foreign Language at nearly 50%. In addition, the percentage of Physics, Chemistry and History who graduated at 30.2% and 25.6% respectively.

Interestingly, the schoolboys who graduated in their test were same percentage, at like a half sent by Mathematics and Foreign Language. Followed by Computer Science, Physics, Geography and History each. The amount graduated by schoolboys on Chemistry, at 14.1 percent, was the lowest figure the shown on the chart.



vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Jan 18, 2016   #2
First correction, the bar chart discussed the results of an exam, there is nothing stated about these examinees being graduating students. So the term "graduated in exam" is wrong. The gender terms are also wrongly used. Throughout the essay, you should have just referred to "female" and "male" students, which connotes the correct sex for the students. You cannot call them "schoolchild" because theya re already teenagers, so simply referring to the correct gender would have been better.

Please, change all references to "graduating to passing. There is no such sentence as "graduating the test." One "passes" a test in order to graduate. While you did get the figures right and made proper reference to the classes they took, the wrong use of the word graduating made the essay really confusing to read and would have forced the reader to analyze what you are trying to say. The meaning of the whole essay became confused and unclear because of the reference problems.


Home / Writing Feedback / The percentage of pupils who accomplished their test.
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳