Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Task 1: The percentage of seven leisure activities; needlework not as popular as watching TV/DVDs

Lunazimnavi11 4 / 6 1  
Apr 15, 2016   #1
The percentage of seven leisure activities which have been asked to three categories of age group is depicted in the table. Overall, it can be seen that watching TV/DVDs, social gathering and listening to music showed the highest leisure activities among all of the age group except 60-69 generation in listening to music. Other activities placed moderate position in all of the age categories, while gardening and dressmaking were less popular in 16-19 generation.

Firstly, the same percentage of watching TV/DVDs displayed roughly a hundred percent among 16-19, 25-29 and 60-69 age groups. Similar pattern to watching, social gathering (visiting, entertaining friends and relations) experienced the second popular activity with 98 per cent for both 16-19 and 25-29 and 95 per cent for 60-69 peer group. Young generation showed listening to music (above nine in ten) as the dominant activity as well, while the old age only presented nearly two-third.

Subsequently, reading books presented a equal percentage among all of the age group with virtually two-third. However, few activities displayed quite differences such DIY activity that was popular (50%) in 25-29 age group, while 16-19 and 60-69 age group only 25% and 38%. Gardening illustrated a dominant activity for only 60-69 peer group with just over six in ten, whereas 16-19 and 25-29 were only a quarter and above a half of the percentage of 60-69 peer group, respectively. Needlework showed less popular activity with 9, 14 and 27 per cent for 16-19, 25-29 and 60-69 generations, respectively.

justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Apr 15, 2016   #2
Hi Ivan, WELCOME to Essay Forum, as I read your analysis, I must say that it is written fairly well, I say this because there is still a lot of work to be done in your essay, as you can see from the suggested modification above, I believe you have the idea in your head and the only difficult part is expressing it.

See, the thing with the English language writing is that you can never guess if it is the right combination, you have to make sure that it is the right combination and to attain this, you have to practice, practice and more practice. Dedication to the craft is a must, determination to get better is the way to go and this is easy to achieve when you put your heart into your writing.

I hope the insights help and you follow through with suggestions given by other contributors, they mean well for your essay and your development towards mastering the craft. Keep writing.

Home / Writing Feedback / Task 1: The percentage of seven leisure activities; needlework not as popular as watching TV/DVDs