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Task 1: The Percentage of Visitors in Brighton's Festival, Pavillion, Pier and Art Gallery


fariz10 13 / 18 2  
Jan 18, 2016   #1
The graph illustrates the percentage of visitors for four different attractions in Brighton, England during 1980 to 2010. Overall, it can be seen the trend of Pavillion and Pier increased in the end of period. It seemed contrast with Art Gallery and Festival that both patterns decreased in the end of period.

Initially, there was a rapid rise in number of visitors for Pavillion which it peaked at approximately 48% tourist in 1995. Besides starting from 2000, it declined gradually till 2010, but it still in highest percentage rather than the other three. On the other hand , during period of 1980 to 2000, Pier's trend was fluctuated and hit a high of 22% in 2010.

In contrast, Festival's nnumber of visitors stable at 28% during 2000 to 2010. However, it decreased slightly if compare with 1980. After that, 1985 experienced dramatical increase in percentage of tourists in Art Gallery, but it dropped dramatically till the end of period.



fijarakbar25 11 / 13 2  
Jan 18, 2016   #2
Overall it has been described well but here i have some suggestions for you

Pavillion = Pavilion

... Pavillion and Pier increased in the end of period.
... that both patterns decreased in the end of period.(It could be replaced with other similar word)/Eventually

Initially, there was a rapid rise in number of visitors for Pavillion whichin which it peaked at approximately 48% of tourist in 1995. Besides,starting from 2000, it declined gradually till 2010, but it's still in highest percentage rathercompared to the other three than the other three.

... Pier's trend was fluctuatedfluctuating and hit a high of 22% in 2010.

In contrast, Festival's nnumbernumber of visitors stablestabled at 28% during 2000 to 2010. However, it decreased slightly if comparecompared with 1980. After that, 1985 experienced dramaticaldramatic increase in percentage of tourists in Art Gallery, but it dropped dramaticallysignificantly till the end of period.[/quote]
erin24 12 / 13  
Jan 18, 2016   #3
Dear faris, would you please to add measurement in your explaination in introduction paragraph? I think it will be make the readers to understand your detail clearly.

In contrast, Festival's n number of visitors stable at 28% during 2000 to 2010
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Jan 18, 2016   #4
There are a number of grammar problems that needed to be addressed in the essay. However, the information was still presented in a logical manner that could be understood by the reader with a little effort. You need to pay attention to the way that you structure sentences because you have a problem with your tense usage.

... visitors for TO four ...
. Overall, it can be seen the trend of Pavillion and Pier...
- OVERALL, THE TREND OF VISITORS TO THE PAVILLION AND PIER...
It seemed TO contrast...
... WITH that both patterns...

... rise in THE number ...
which it peaked...
...approximately 48% touristS...
but it still in HAD THE highest ...
...during THE period
... was fluctuated and hit a high of 22% in 2010.

...Festival's n number...
... visitors WAS stable at 28% ...
... if compareD with 1980 FIGURES. ...
... experienced AN dramatical increase in THE percentage


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