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IELTS Task 1 "Percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world"


Zizou88 1 / 1 1  
Apr 22, 2016   #1
The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
You should write at least 150 words.


The pie charts provide information about the proportion of water consumption for three different aims in some parts of the world.

A closer look at the data reveals that industrialization occurred in Europe has resulted in more than half of the water there is consumed for this category. Following this, North America consumes 48% water for its industry, while Central Asia uses only 5%, which is tenfold lower than North America, for the same purpose.

Turning to agricultural uses, the pattern is extremely different with the previous category. Some regions such as Central Asia, Africa, and South East Asia have a fairly similar pattern with water used for agriculture is 88%, 84% and 81% respectively. However, North America and Europe considered less consuming water for this category than other regions with just around one-third of the whole consumption.

Compared to other purposes, domestic usage accounted for a small proportion in all areas. It is interesting to note that Africa, Central Asia, and South East Asia consume water with the same amount (7%) whereas other areas use roughly double of that amount, with South America become the part of the world using the biggest proportion of water for this type of use.

To sum up, it can be seen vividly that the primary water consumption in North America and Europe is for industrial purposes whilst other regions, agriculture dominated water usage.



ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Apr 22, 2016   #2
Zizou, I reckon that you didn't have any problems with grammar, since the majority of sentences were error-free. You were also able to use a variety of complex structures accurately. Yet, there were still few errors, which made your sentence became ambiguous. This is what I've found:

- .....more than half of the water there is consumed for this category. (the word 'there' can refers to previous place which you mentioned before, or it refers to nowhere, which sounds like it is separated 'there is consumed for this category'.)

Then, despite some errors, I found that your essay consisted of 230 words. This is not suggested in IELTS task 1, because you will definitely waste your time. Remember, this task should be done in not more than 20 minutes, you just only need to compress the information as good as possible. So, my suggestion for this one. You need to manage your time well. Perhaps for the next practice, you can do these following steps:

- the first 5minutes for grouping and analyze the graph/chart/picture
- another 10minutes for composing the answer (at least 170 - 190 words, 3 paragraphs, each paragraph consists of at least 3 sentences minimum)
- the last 5minutes for checking grammar, content, and avoid repetition.


Good luck for the next one, and welcome to EssayForum :)
suxiaojing 13 / 18 7  
Apr 23, 2016   #3
Hi,Zizou:

i will give some suggestions:

when talk about agricultrual and industrial use, we notice that developing countries consume more water than developed countries in agricultural use.By contrast, developed countries use more water in industrial use.

you can use this feature to describe your essay more logically.

Hope that can help!
ainirere /  
Apr 29, 2016   #4
A closer look at the data reveals that industrialization occurredS in Europe has resulted in more than half of the water, FURTHERMORE
tria25 12 / 19 4  
May 1, 2016   #5
hi Zizou, happy to read a good writing like yours. your grammar is very good, yet it is better to understand the essay pattern for IELTS as well. Let me give you some suggestion.

firstly, it is better for you to combine the first and second paragraph. you should make issue and overview in one paragraph. in addition, you should not mention any number in overview. you can mention some of them in body paragraphs, yet please avoid listing.

thanks


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