Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

IELTS TASK1 percentages of students' attendance in four different secondary school categories

youcandoit 1 / -  
Jun 21, 2016   #1
The table illustrates the percentages of students' attendance in four different secondary school categories from 2000,2005 and 2009.

It is clear that pupils attending voluntary-controlled schools decreased significantly, while students in community schools increased dramatically between 2000 and 2009. specialist schools had the least percentages in all three years.

In 2000, just over a half of pupils attended in voluntary-controlled schools, but only 12% of students went to community schools. However, voluntary-controlled schools were only slightly higher than community schools by 6% in 2005, and almost 60% of students in community schools were nearly three times higher than students in voluntary-controlled schools.

On the other hand, students in specialist schools and grammar schools were far lower than other two types of schools. Students attending in grammar schools dropped from 24% in 2000 to 12% in 2009. students attending specialist schools remained under 12% in all three years.

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Jun 22, 2016   #2
Hi Huang, welcome to the team :) I would like to point out some of your weaknesses with hope that you will be able to strengthen it in the next practice. You can see it in the descriptions below:

- Picture! This is essential to IELTS task 1 writing. You need to upload the picture/chart/diagram in order to help us in checking your essay. We will not be able to check your essay thoroughly if you didn't upload the picture/chart/diagram. This is a common problem for a new member but I think it is still can be avoided.

- Pay attention to 150 words minimum words limit. Your essay was just only 147 words. It will be dangerous towards your final grade if you keep doing this. It belongs to the criteria of Task Response, which means you failed to answer the prompt properly. Therefore, you are suggested to write at least 165 - 190 words to make it safer.

- Capitalization is crucial in writing. Remember to always use capital letter in each beginning of a sentence. It belongs to grammatical range and accuracy part. If you want to improve your score in this part, you can avoid making the same mistakes.

As seen, I hope these will help you in enhancing your writing skill in the future, especially in IELTS writing. Good luck for the next practice :)
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Jun 22, 2016   #3
Hi Huang, its good to have yet another member of the Essay Forum Family. In this analysis, we would appreciate if you post the chart as well, as this is where we draw our observations and this will ensure or should I say assure you that our feedback is base on the chart or diagram provided.

Anyhow, please find my help below, this observations are base on the English language rules as the chart is not presented.

- overall, the essay is fairly written, it can be seen that you manage to use the right punctuation marks that is needed in the corresponding words in the sentences.

- usage of uniform symbols such as percentage and numbers are also observed all through out the analysis and this is also crucial in presenting information base on the given chart

Moreover, the analysis has a well rounded presentation that is hopefully depicted from the chart or the diagram. I hope this insights helped and should you need further assistance, do let us know and we are always here ready to lend a helping hand.

Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK1 percentages of students' attendance in four different secondary school categories