Please help me to correct my essay for ielts writing task 2!!!!
Topic: Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?
As far as I know, the perception of happiness differs considerably from one individual to another as a result of the mixes effect of individual characteristics and environmental factors. My essay will determine some factors to attain happiness.
Admittedly, happiness means different things to different people because of their perception. Some people refer happiness as a feeling of pleasure or enjoyment. For instance, a child has toys, a girl owns a shoes collection or to people enjoy spending time with their family and friends. Nevertheless, another people see money as a source of happiness. They sacrifice everything in their pursuit of wealth and consider that earning money is solely way to attain happiness.
Another reason why people have difficulty to think to happiness is that their objectives and interests vary in different life stages. One has the passion for toys as a child, fashionable clothing as a youth, an admirable occupation as an adult and possibly company of family members as an elder. With age, one's attitudes, capabilities and concerns are subject to change. Following the latest fads, for examples, appeals to young people, despite the expenditure of time and money. By comparison, senior people are hardly interested in their clothes in fashion. Even they tend to regard them as a wasteful use of money.
Considering the fact that people are all motivated to attain objectives for their happiness, they should first give different weight to different subjects, such as health, money, family or occupation. Few people can attain several aims at a same time. Therefore, the primary factor is to identify the top priority. In addition, in order to be truly happy, it is necessary to live a good life as well as to do something useful with their lives. Some people get a sense of achievement from their work, whereas others find happiness is bringing up their children.
In conclusion, each person identifies happiness as their own ways base on their perception and life stages. In general, determining the top priority for objectives and living a good life are the important factors to attain happiness.
it is a good essay, however, you are not answering the prompt" Why is happiness difficult to define?"
Your response is attaining happiness, which is only part of the prompt.
My oppinion is that you should try to vary the examples at third paragraph . Try to find something different than those used in the previous paragraph ( I reffer to toys, shoes, family members company).. Giving various examples shows you are a good thinker and find lots of arguments. Plus you show that your vocabulary is vaste.
chessman567
Hic Thanks for your comment!
My second and third paragraph answered the promt "Why is happiness difficult to define?":)
Attaining happiness is reflected in fourth paragraph.
dracena27
Can you give me some positive examples? To be honest, i recognize that i should try something different but i have no idea about the variety of objectives and interests in different life stages.
