Performing Business Is Not About Money Oriented

The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only on this.
Do you agree or disagree?

Some people choose to be businessman in their life. There is an opinion that entrepreneur must focus on money. However, I believe that performing business is not only about money oriented.

The business is always started with enough money as the fund. It might be the reason for people who believe that their fund should return as soon as possible. It can cause the businessman calculate the income and outcome specifically. The achievement should cover the turned fund and profit, including salary for the employees, so that the commerce can succeed. When the fund does not envelope all of that aspects, the trade can be bankrupt. However, this is not the one and only of the concentration of trade.

Consumer necessity is the first consideration of commerce. The business can continue when the product or the service which offered is needed by citizen. For instead, people who lived around the pole area, certainly they do not need air conditioning, so do not sell air conditioning there. In addition, the entrepreneur also must pay attention of the quality of the product. The satisfaction of consumers should also take the producer concentration. When the buyer disappointed with the product superiority, they will move to other products. In contrast when they are enjoying the things, they will buy more and it brings pleated profit. Another thing that must be focused is the prosperity of employees, so that they can happy to do their jobs.

The purpose of business is gaining money. In conducting commerce, money is not the most concentration of the owner. The need of shopper, the product quality and the prosperity of worker are essential to considerate.

Hi Hikuma,,
Let me help you to enhance your writing to reach the higher score in the real test. In this moment, I will try to review contents of your essay.


There was a look that you tended to agree. However, you did not describe clearly why you stated that. I will give you an example.

HOWEVER, I PERSONALLY BELIEVE THAT BUILDING THE BUSINESS CAN BE FREE OF SOME CONSIDERATIONS SUCH AS ANALYZE OF CONSUMERS' NEEDS, QUALITY OF THE PRODUCT, AND A GREAT SERVICE FOR WORKERS

I create that thesis statement based on what you will explain in the second body paragraph.

Be careful of using multiple ideas. You can harness that, but you have to explain all balanced.


you need a stronger reason to support your idea such as providing the scientific fact.


That sentence can make your conclusion paragraph become vague. It is better you create an introduction of the conclusion paragraph generally.
IN CONCLUSION, SOME OF THE OWNERS FOCUS ON PROFIT WHEN THEY........

I hope these can help you.
Keep spirit.
GOOD LUCK