Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0] - SERVICES
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 6

'it is not permanent'; enjoy your money when you earn or save for your future


Jaanu 3 / 8  
Mar 9, 2014   #1
Every person in the world needs to earn. It is very important for their life. When they earn, the person can enjoy with their money or save their money for some time in the future. According to my opinion, it is better to save our money for our future.

Firstly, a person needs to face different kind of expenses. It might be an expected expenses such as education of their children, marriage purpose etc. For example, in our society when a girl wants to marry, their parents need to give dowry to the boy. It would vary depend on the places. Therefore, the girl's parents need to save money for their daughter's life. Moreover, nowadays the education system has become very modern and very expensive. Anyone can't arrange that much of high amount of money immediately.

Additionally, sometimes people face many unexpected expenses such as medical purpose. For example, nowadays most people effect by different type of diseases such as cancer, brain humor, kidney failure etc. People never expect that it would affect them or their family members. However, they need to get treatment. But, it costs high.

On the other hand, when people's younger period of their life, most of them like to enjoy with their earning money. Besides, they feel that they have just come out from their parents' grip, they are totally independent. They enjoy their life with his friends. Additionally, they go to restaurant , have fun and celebrate parties. Further, they visit to cinema and go around the country. Definitely, it is happy life. They don't need to worry about any things. However, it is not permanent. When they need to settle to their family life, they face many difficulties without money in hand.

Finally, when people are in his younger age, they would be physically fit. It allows them to work hard than the latter period of their life. Addition to that, they can earn lot of money and save for their future expenses. It would create a wealthy and prosperous life of a person.

OP Jaanu 3 / 8  
Mar 9, 2014   #2
Please I need a help from any genius. I want to do TOEFL exam. If you give any suggestion, I can improve my writing. Thank you.
Pahan 1 / 1,908 553  
Mar 9, 2014   #3
You should have included your prompt in your essay so that we know what it exactly expects from you.

Every person in the world needs to earn. It is very important for their life. When they earn, the person can enjoy with their money or save their money for some time in the future. According to my opinion, it is better to save our money for our future.

Every person needs to earn money as money is important to lead a comfortable and quality life. People can also choose either to spend all their earnings or save some money to use in future. In my personal view, I support the idea of saving money for future.
dumi 1 / 6,930 1592  
Mar 9, 2014   #4
You should have included your prompt in your essay so that we know what it exactly expects from you.

Yes, this is very important. Include it whenever you open a new thread.
Also, you need to open your essays in the most appropriate essay forum. In this case it is the Writing Feedback forum. However, you have opened the essay in essays term papers forum and we moved this from there to Writing Feedback :) Also include the purpose of your writing (IELTS, TOEFL etc.) in the title itself. That helps you earn more comments :)
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
Apr 5, 2014   #5
etc

etc.

Using etc indicates that you do not have any serious to complete your ideas. I suggest you to finish your sentences. Or end it with full stop, instead of etc

It would create a wealthy and prosperous life of a person.

Besides, they feel that they have just come out from their parents' grip, they are totally independent.

This is called comma splice, occuring when you use a comma to join two complete sentences without placing an appropriate joining word between them.

Well, if you have a question that you don't like at all, then you can write with a 5-paragraph essay. You write one introduction, three bodies, and one conclusion. In the bodies, you will argue more on one side than the other by writing two content paragraphs arguing for and one against. This can help you write more words, but some seems inefficient, by writing too many words.

With a 4-paragraph essay, you are easy to develop your paragraph properly, one content paragraph for, and one against. This is good for coherence and cohesion between sentence to sentence and paragraph to paragraph, and for which in the five-paragraph structure this is weak.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
Apr 19, 2014   #6
According to my opinion

Write "I think", instead of according to which is used when saying what people, organizations, and reports have said
Developing the classical five paragraph essay or more will send you to earn a very impressive result, but this should be followed by a succinct explanation, coherent sentences, grammar error-free, colloquial usage, etc. Otherwise, you may get an average score.


Home / Writing Feedback / 'it is not permanent'; enjoy your money when you earn or save for your future