Hello, I'm writing a narrative essay and I'm terrible with grammar so I wanted to get a couple of other eyes on my essay to spot any mistakes I've made.
NOTE: This is a rough very rough draft, and though I am mainly asking for grammar help any other help is greatly appreciated and welcome thank you!
Essay
A busy time in my life.
This fall has been a busy time in my life, I've been filling out college applications and working on my eagle scout project all while taking college classes and working two jobs. It's been very stressful, to say the least, however, I've been able to manage it and keep everything under control. A good stress relief surprisingly is working at one of my jobs which is at a scout camp called Bovay Scout Ranch. I've worked at Bovay for over two years as a staff manager which basically means I'm in charge of assigning staff duties among other things. One of my duties is to observe camp and check in on everyone from time to time, being that it's a rather large area (a few hundred acres) I use an ATV to get around. An ATV we call the gator because of its overwhelming and unsightly green paint job and it's seen better days the seats are barely holding on, the tires are usually flat, and the brakes hardly work to name a few of its issues. My negligence for these issues caused an accident that cost me tremendous pain and taught me a lesson about perseverance.
The camp operates on a bi-weekly basis where they hold camp on the weekends. It was Saturday, September 30, 2017, we were reopening camp per usual for the fall season. It was around lunchtime when I was instructed by my boss to go and clean a maintenance shed with another staff member. We decided to take the gator being that the maintenance shed is a good distance away. I was a passenger in the two-seat vehicle, we pulled out in reverse as per usual except that the driver made a sharp turn while reversing. This caused me to lurch part ways outside of the vehicle with my right foot dangling out, I remember immediately terrified but thought nothing of it. He then pulled forward and I felt a numbing hot pain I looked down to see my foot trapped under the tire and being shredded between the wheel and the pavement with an awful screeching sound. It seemed like it was under there for minutes, I yelled a the driver "STOP" repetitively not due to pain because there really wasn't any initially but more out of worry for the state of my foot. I yanked my foot free and held it up to my face, where once was my shoe and sock had been torn to pieces.
What followed was the most terrifying sight I have ever seen, everything seemed to numb I couldn't hear or see anything other than what I was focused on, where my flesh once was had been burnt off and a red bloody tissue remained large puncture had been made on the side of my foot , I focused in on one and saw something moving which at the time I had presumed to be my bone. It was then when I started to panic, blood shot from the wound like a fountain blanketing my legs and the rest of my clothes I felt hot and dizzy, then the pain hit. A sharp hot stinging pain covered my foot like being stabbed with a hot knife. I was carried into our camp medic lodge where an older gentleman startly interrupted from his reading by a screaming and bleeding stranger hastily jumped to action and begin to apply various bandages and wraps. An ambulance was called soon and I was left sitting in the medics lodge waiting for some relief. When you're in such intense pain it's cruel how time seems to slow, every second feels like hours. It was over ninety-degrees outside but I was shivering, all I could hear was my own screams resonating in my head it was hard to focus on anything. Finally, seemingly answering my prayers the ambulance finally arrived. I was loaded into the ambulance where a friendly EMT put an IV into my arm momentarily distracting me from the pain in my foot. I was given 10mg of morphine which filled me with warm fuzzy feeling numbing any pain I had been experiencing. It didn't take long to get to the hospital but finally being distracted from the pain allowed my mind to wonder. I was thinking not about what had happened but rather what would happen, thoughts of my future often flooded my mind. What would happen next? How would this affect my college applications, my jobs, my future? Any opinion on that tended to lean towards the negative.
After a while of disorientedly staring at the seemingly overly bright lights, the ambulance pulled to a stop and I was pulled out of the ambulance and wheeled into an ER room. I was greeted by an older gentleman who seemed overly interested in my wounds, and even jokingly offered to amputate it for me. Calm and relaxed for once in while his joking demeanor put me at ease. Soon a professional looking doctor came and greeted me, after taking some x-rays he told me there were two rocks lodged in my foot and he would attempt to remove them. The same amusing nurse came in and applied some sort of futuristic looking numbing gel which felt cold and stung, in a skeptical move to my non medically trained mind the doctor took a large white stick and began digging in my wound in a strange tugging sensation, after excavating for a few minutes he pulled out a small rock. Going on he attempted to dig out the second rock hiding in my flesh but had no luck. I was sent home and had a surgery scheduled to remove the last rock for Sunday. The hour drive home left me with more to think about than just the rock in my foot, I thought about not being able to walk or drive. I can't go to work or school, this will set my life weeks behind.
Surgery was fairly uneventful, they removed the last rock and sewed the wound up I was sent home where I immediately crashed. Every day I would wake up and lack any motivation I had once had I would simply lay there staring at the ceiling searching it from some hope I suppose. From that day on I had to go to physical therapy every day to get my wound cleaned, this was an extremely painful experience. I remember one trip specifically I was laying on the cold plastic beds they have in every doctor's office, clenching my teeth to mask my muffled screams as the nurse was spraying some awfully painful chemical on my foot. She must've been surprised at my lack of vocal pain which I thought surprising. She asked if I was in any pain, I readily admitted I was which in response she replied "Pains easy once you get past it it's over". For a reason, I can not comprehend it seemed like these were the words I had needed to hear not to help manage my pain but for other reasons. I began thinking, if perseverance is all that's needed to suffer through the pain I was experiencing physically shouldn't that be true mentally and emotionally. If I were to sit here and give into the feeling of hopelessness then I've let those fears win. However, if I persevere through these tough times and come out the other side stronger it will only benefit me.
I took these thoughts I had and put them into action. Instead of feeling sorry and laying around searching for answers to my pain elsewhere I got to work. I started to work on my classes again, apply for colleges and do anything I can while I'm in the state I am. In fact, the very writing of this paper is a testament to that, in all of this, I've learned that perseverance can bring us through the most difficult times.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,823 
4781 Ben, this is a very good rough draft. It is so imaginative that I actually felt the pain you were describing during the accident. You don't have a problem when it comes to writing the narrative. In fact, the problem with the narrative could be that it is too detailed and involved. You leave very little to the imagination and the reader doesn't really need to contemplate what you are going through at the time. You already hit the reader in the face with it. As a college application essay, this might run a bit too long so be prepared to use only bits and pieces of this essay, sewn together in a new manner depending upon the prompt that you are responding to.
Content wise, you have a problem with your paragraph presentations. Try to narrow down the paragraphs and make them more complete in telling within a few sentences. There is a tendency for you to not edit yourself so you keep rattling on in a paragraph when you should have started a new one already. In the second paragraph, there really wasn't any need to indicate how the camp operates. That did not help push your story forward. However, if you opened with the date of the accident itself, then the reader would be deeper drawn into the narrative.
At the end, try to give the reader a status update on your foot since that is the focal point of the story. By the way, you went to the doctor to get your wounds treated and then you went to physical therapy for exercise and foot training. You don't go to physical therapy to get your wounds attended to. Physical therapists aren't allowed to clean the wounds. They don't deal with the wounds at all. Only nurses and doctors do that.
So far, I don't suggest editing the grammar until you have reached the final copy of your essay. It isn't advisable to alter the grammar at this point because you will still be making changes to your content. Save the grammar for the last part. That is where it will make the most impact upon your essay presentation.
