TOEFL; A person's job's has more effects on his happiness

THANKS VERY MUCH!!!
I AM TAKING TOFEL THIS SATURDAY. I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP.
THE TOPIC IS "A person's job's has more effects on his happiness than this person's social life does."

Some people claim that career provides more happiness in life than one's social life does. They believe that a successful career offers people with self-fulfillment and confidence. It is true that career does bring people a sense of accomplishment. However, for some people, happiness is not really about achievement. For them, the relaxation and joy provided by social life values more. I think different people will give varied understanding of what has more effect on happiness.

My father is a businessman and he values work above all. I have to say he is a workaholic. He indulges himself in working so much that he got sick once. I remembered he did not sleep for about 3 days and finally passed out during a meeting. My mom and I were so worried that we spent days with him in the hospital. The doctor said he was fine but lack of rest. When my father recovered, he was eager to go back to work, but my mother insisted him to be away from work at least for a week. So dad spent some time with old friends and picked up golfing and fishing. However, just after two days, my father could not stand staying at home any more. He wanted to go back to work to get rid of the dullness in workless life. I wondered why he still felt boring even with old friends. My father answered that work was the only thing they were talking and he could not just talk about it but not do it himself. Even though he went into hospital because of work, he enjoyed it. I was astonished but I totally understood him. My father's happiness lies in his works and businesses but not in casual social lives. He enjoys the tense of work and the glory of success. For people like my father, I believe job's has more effect on their happiness than social life does.

I am exact the opposite of my father. I find myself happiest when I am enjoying my social lives. I get relaxed when I'm with my friends. In front of my friends, I am most relaxed and I can just be myself. During spare time, I hang out with friends indulging ourselves in shared hobbies. We get away from works and studies and enjoy the genuine joy of life. My friends and I are all movie fans. We often get some movies, some snacks and some drinks at my house, and we spend the whole day watching movies, eating, drinking and chatting. No more preoccupations and stress from work or study, we go totally carefree. I think happiness consists of these cozy and warm moments of life. For people like me, I think happiness is more about social life.

In conclusion, both work and social life contributes to personal happiness. When comparing these two, different people will give varied answers. The most important of all is to find out your personal idea of happiness.

... good beginning :)


... relaxation and joy = two things and hence plural


I think different people have different perceptions about what make them happy.
Very impressive introduction! :)


This is a very good example. However, you better first state your reason and then back it up with this example. The reason here is that for some people are very passionate about their work and they value the pleasure that is derived from work above everything else.

Also, be careful of lengthening your paragraphs, because you've really got to fight with time at the exam :)
You write well!

Thank you very much!!!!!!!
Very helpful!!!!!!
XD

I am an exactly opposite character from my father.


I am a social animal and find my happiness in my social activities.


.... all these sentences have very close meanings. So they sound like repetition.


It depends on the individual as to what make him happy because different people perceive happiness differently.

I really like your essay. I like how the flow of your paper went. It kept my attention the enitre time. I can see how some people like their work and that is where they are most comfortable. I like you, like to be around my friends. I tend to be more relaxed when there are not deadlines. I thought your paper was very organized.