Meaning of grades in an educational system
Some people fail in school but end up being successful in life. Why do you think that is the case? What is the most important thing to succeed in life?
The high academic grade is commonly considered as the certainty in gaining success in the future. However, in my view, there are other factors apart from accomplishing academic institutes that determine one's successful life.
On the one hand, there is a multitude of reasons for children failing school. First, the overwhelming assignments from school are likely to stifle students' motivation in learning. Studying at school means children need to learn all of the subjects and are expected to expel all of them; it is obviously impossible to find an individual who enjoys all subjects at school. That leads to the second reason. Everyone is born unique and has completely different strengths. There are artists in every Maths class; likewise, scientists can be found in Music class. In other words, students with a specific passion for one field are likely to be less interested in studying other tedious subjects. This causes inequality of results in school subjects. Third, academic institutes often apply old methods of learning as well as impractical assignments. Thus, children's creativity is not considerably focused here. In addition, our educational environment also lacks creativity cultivating activities although this is an important skill for the technology era 4.0. Therefore, failing at school does not indicate the inability of the intellect of one student.
On the other hand, among all of the factors, humans themselves are still playing a crucial role in every aspect. We can not deny the fact that although education does assist a great extent in children's success, it is not the only factor connected to one's accomplishment. That hard work, determination, and perseverance of an individual are indeed the key personality traits to succeed.
In conclusion, having a high grade in our educational system surely helps you get attention to pass the very first steps in your career. But to maintain in the long run, your personalities are a prerequisite.@Krystal318
Hi there!
Let's divide this response into two portions: technicalities and content-wise.
In terms of the technicalities of your writing, I do not see anything alarmingly concerning. I think that your grasp of writing is beautiful. I would only suggest that you try to create more concise sentences. This will optimize the space you have for your essay - and in situations wherein you are working well within word counts, this is an essential trait because you need to be able to curate your thoughts and create depth with limitations of how much you can put into your writing. If this was not a concern, I do not see any reason for you to adjust your writing style.
Nonetheless, looking at your essay, I could revise the following lines from the second paragraph as:
On the one hand, there are numerous reasons for children failing school. [...] Studying in school means children need to learn all the subjects while excelling in them; it is impossible to find an individual who enjoys all the subjects. Consequently, being that everyone's born unique, we all have various strengths. [...]
Be cautious when you are writing to avoid small mistakes.
In terms of content, your writing is sufficient and well-played. I have noticed that you were able to create more depth in your writing relatively better than how others would. I would only recommend that you try to free up space in your second paragraph to create more valued sentences in your third paragraph. You had great thoughts about how personality traits play a role in gauging an individual's success; it would be great if you could expound on this further.
Best of luck!
