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Perspective of Electronic Media Effect in People Relationship


SarlindaDS_27 42 / 52 5  
Nov 1, 2016   #1
Writing Task II (November 1, 2016)

The use of electronic media has negative effects on personal relationships between people.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Today, the electronic media usage of common people become an essential thing in their life. However, the people seemingly become depending on electronic media usage as a part of their necessary all the time in every day. Because of benefits an electronic media usage, inconstantly were influenced the people keep their relationship of each other. Somehow, I believe the presence of the electronic media gave us many advantages outweigh any drawbacks.

At present, along with the people activities became more variance and multitasking, the electronic media usage can be the tools for help the people keep their relationship by remote communication with their colleagues. For example, the students whose studying abroad certainly far away with their families. So in this condition, a mobile phone as the electronic media can be the tool in communication with family in other place or with remote people.

Moreover, today the electronic media such as mobile phone, laptop and notebook were launched with any features which supporting communication becomes easier and flexible because the people now can download any features of social media applications by their electronic media. For example, a mobile phone or notebook which complete with online access and social media applications such as LINE or Skype can possibly the students keep communication face to face with their relatives by gadgets.

To sum up, I completely disagree with statements that said the electronic media has a negative impact on our relationship, due to I think the electronic media is very useful to people life.

(261 words)
akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Nov 1, 2016   #2
Hi Miss Sarlinda.
These are my corrections for your essay


Today, the electronic media usage of BY common people becomeS an essential thing ...
... become depending on THE electronic media usage as a part of their necessary IN THE WHOLE all the time in every day . Because of OWING TO benefits an ...

Somehow, I believe the presence of the electronic media gave us many ...(Please, focus on the question because there displayed the prompts which will guide you to explain)

... the people keep their relationship by remote communication with their colleagues IN A REMOTE AREA.
... communication with THE family in other ...

... media such as THE mobile phone, laptop and notebook were ARE launched with any features which supporting communication (...) because the people now THESE DAYS can download any ...

For example, a THE mobile phone or notebook which completeD with online access ...

Note: Well, I have read your essay closely. I got the conclusion that you only review your reasons why you disagree with the statement. However, you have to uderstand deeply the question

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

You should also explain that if you agree with the statement, you have the reason. be careful of this matter because it relates to the task responses.

However, you have show the postistive progress. I firmly believe that you can master this skill. You only need providing the time to practice more and more.

keep Spirit
Happy Writing
GOOD LUCK
OP SarlindaDS_27 42 / 52 5  
Nov 1, 2016   #3
Thank you very much for your comments Mr, @akbarmappiare
:) I will improve my writing tasks soon and I'll study all suggestions that you had given to me :)
septiadara29 48 / 67 9  
Nov 2, 2016   #4
Hello indah! I will give you some opinions about your essay.

(1) TodayNowadays, the electronic media ...
(2) ... on electronic media usage as a part of their ...
(3) Because ofits benefits an electronic media usage , inconstantlywere influenced the people ...
There is no 'inconstantly' in CALD
I suggest to keep mentioning about the negative effect on people which is caused by electronic media in your introduction

(4) the electronic media usage --> (you keep mentioning these words, try to paraphrase) can be the tools forto help the people keep their relationship by remotekeeping in touchcommunication with their colleagues.

(5) ..., a mobile phone, as the electronic media, can be the tool infor communication with family in other place or with remote people.

(6) ... were launched with anysome or several or various features which supporting ...
(7) ... which complete with onlinethe internet access and social (...) or Skype can providepossiblythe students keep communication ...


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