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persuasive essay on why the 21st century is the best


samuraitom 23 / 18  
May 4, 2007   #1
The 21st century began on January 1, 2001 and last until December 31, 2100. There is still 93 more years till the beginning of the 22nd century. A new century beckons in new ideas and innovation. Things that were dreamt about centuries ago. This century easily tramps past centuries in the advancement of space exploration, alternative energy sources and technology.

Space exploration is one that made major strides in the beginning of this century. In 2001, Dennis Tito became the first space tourist to board the International Space Station. This made the first step towards civilian and tourism in space. In 2003, the Chinese space program launched it first manned flight. There are also many other countries establishing space programs including India, South Korea, and Japan. This could ultimately lead to a healthy space race between countries. In 2004, Opportunity, mars rover, discovered evidence that Mars was once covered by water. This is another step in understanding Mars and could lead to Mars colonization in the future. In 2006, New Horizons began its 10 year journey toward Pluto.

Oil is becoming scarcer and increasingly pricey. There is a greater initiative in the conservation of energy. With the beginning of this century, there is an increasing popularity of alternative fuels. Alternative energy sources such as solar power, biodiesel, and electric is given further research. With each steps at learning more about these energy sources and the implementation of it can reduce pollution. The Bright Green environmentalism emerged in the past years, aiming to use new technology to increase ecological sustainability.

New personal technology has made many lives more enjoyable. The Apple iPods are popular as ever. Simple user interface and quick iTunes transactions may have reduce piracy slightly. Further social networks in games such as the introduction of the PS3 HOME made further emphasis on community. Gamers alike will be able to interact with others and instantly takes friends into games for multiplayer. Also, with the introduction of the next generation consoles, the PS3, Wii, and Xbox 360, gaming is taken to the next level in terms of graphics and physics. Folding@home is a project designed for protein folding and other simulation to seek an understanding to many diseases made its way to the Playstation 3. Gamers can give back to the science community while playing their favorite games.

With this many advancements and achievements in the first 7th year of the 21st century, who knows what will awaits us in the remaining years. With the constant stride towards understanding things around us, humankind may have robot butlers and colonized Mars by the end of this century.

Please critique hard. This is for my senior memory book project. Which is due on Monday, May 7

I also have 2 more essays which I will post tomorrow in a separate topic. Thanks a lot.

EF_Team2 1 / 1,709  
May 4, 2007   #2
Greetings!

I'd be happy to help you edit your fine essay! Here are my suggestions:

The 21st century began on January 1, 2001 and will last until December 31, 2100. There are [not is] still 93 more years till the beginning of the 22nd century.

A new century beckons in new ideas and innovation--things that were only dreamt about centuries ago.

Space exploration is one that made major strides in the beginning of this century. - ...one what? How about "one field..."?

This made the first step towards civilians and tourism in space. In 2003, the Chinese space program launched its first manned flight.

In 2004, Opportunity, a (or the) Mars rover, discovered evidence that Mars was once covered by water. This is another step in understanding Mars and could lead to Mars colonization in the future. In 2006, New Horizons began its 10 year journey toward Pluto. - You should mention what "New Horizons" is...some of us have never heard of it.

Alternative energy sources such as solar power, biodiesel, and electricity are being given further research. With each step, we are learning more about these energy sources and how their implementation can reduce pollution. The Bright Green environmentalism emerged in the past years, aiming to use new technology to increase ecological sustainability. - Again, I feel as if you are referring to something I know nothing about; a few more details would be great!

Simple user interface and quick iTunes transactions may have reduced piracy slightly.

Gamers [delete alike] will be able to interact with others and instantly take [no "s"] friends into games for multiplayer. - I don't know much about this, but I'm pretty sure multiplayer should be used as an adjective, not a noun. Can you say "take friends into their multiplayer games"?

Folding@home is a project designed for protein folding and other simulations to seek an understanding of [not to] many diseases. - The phrase "made its way to the Playstation 3" does not belong here, grammatically speaking. I can't really re-write it for you, since I don't understand quite how it works in relation to folding@home.

With this many advancements and achievements in the first seven years of the 21st century, who knows what will await [no "s"] us in the remaining years. With the constant strides we are making towards understanding things around us, humankind may have robot butlers and a colony on Mars by the end of this century.

Very interesting!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com
OP samuraitom 23 / 18  
May 4, 2007   #3
I tried to fix the Folding@home part by adding in

Sony in collaboration with Stanford brought Folding@home to the Playstation 3 console. Folding@home is a project designed for protein folding and other simulations to seek an understanding of many diseases. Gamers can easily help scientists discover cures for diseases from the comforts of their homes.

Also for the Bright Green environmentalism section, I rearranged some snippets to clarify

The Bright Green environmentalism emerged in the past years, aiming to increase ecological stability and economic growth through the use of new technology and innovative designs. Such through the use of environmentally friendly and energy efficient products.

Also for the New Horizons part.

In 2006, New Horizons, a robotic spacecraft, began its 10 year journey toward Pluto and its moon, Charon. Mankind is gradually venturing farther out of our solar system.

Is that ok? Does the essay demonstrate persuasive essay qualities? Is it effective? Thanks.
EF_Team2 1 / 1,709  
May 5, 2007   #4
Greetings!

Yes, those passages are much easier to understand now! I just want to make a couple of editing suggestions:

Sony, [add comma] in collaboration with Stanford, [add comma]

Such through the use of environmentally friendly and energy efficient products. - This is a sentence fragment. Instead of "Such" start with something like "They accomplish this through the use of..."

Although it does have some persuasive essay qualities, I think you could strengthen that aspect of it. Words like "could" and "may" tend to make you sound tentative about what you are saying. Also, think about what it is you are trying to persuade someone to do; that could perhaps be a little clearer. It's more of a news report than a persuasive essay, it seems to me. What is your goal? Think about that.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com


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