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IELTS - petrol price increment (Traffic and pollution)

YanSun 4 / 7 3  
Dec 26, 2012   #1
My goal: Writing 7 (Last time 6)

I will keep it up!

IELTS Writing Task 2: 'petrol price' introduction 2012-12-23

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
What other measures do you think might be effective?

Traffic and pollution are growing problems in today's society. Personally, I disagree with the idea that higher petrol prices could solve these problems, and I believe that various other measures would be more constructive.

It is suggested by some economists that increasing the price of petrol can deal with traffic jam and pollution in city. They believe that there is a connection between them; however, they fail to realize that people cannot go everywhere but driving vehicles. It is the fact that people keep using private vehicle as a mean of transportation regardless of the increasing petrol price. As a result, growing petrol price simply imposes extra financial burden on poor citizens, instead of decreasing the usage of private transportation.

There are alternatives to deal with the situation. First and foremost, infrastructures such as metro, train and express bus-way should be considered as the priority of construction in cities, by which people can leave their cars at garage while shuttling between work and home. Second, universities and research institutions should invest heavily in studies of biological resources and renewable resources. The use of electricity car should be promoted by paying subsidies by the government. Last but not least, it is essential to educate our children the importance of conserving energy since their childhood.

To sum up, increasing price of petrol alone cannot manage environmental and metropolitan problems. Instead, we could develop the completed public transportation system; invest more in technologies of new energy and educate youngsters to be responsible to the earth.

Hope that my writing is understandable to you. Sometimes, I write sentences which I feel good, but it turns out that nobody understand them.

I wish you all surrounded by love and warmth this holiday season. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 2013.
aqeel 8 / 25 3  
Dec 26, 2012   #2
it is a great essay , but you did not solve the pollution problem in your essay.
I suggest that
the government should build the high ways which decreasing the traffic problem in crowded cities. in addition , new cities should be constructed at new places.

mcuong01 12 / 24 3  
Dec 27, 2012   #3
You are really wise in limiting your essay length with just slightly over 250 words, which enables yourself to control your time.
As far as I am aware, your essay needs to be more persuasive. In the third paragraph, for instance, you opted to list solutions instead of presenting your main ideas and persuading readers with your supporting bases. In my opinion, a paragraph should be at least organized as follows:

1. Main idea
2. Explain why you give such an idea

To lengthen your essay:
3. Expand your idea by taking an example, compareing with the past or foreseeing about changes in the future

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