Prompt: Should people take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their communities or the nation in general?
*Please score this essay the way you think a SAT grader would. Remember, the scale is from 1-6, 6 being the best. As well, it'd be nice if you could add comments as to why you chose a certain grade. Thanks!*
Philosopher Immanuel Kant urged people to throw off the yolk of tutelage and of idle life. It's easy to stand back and allow others to take responsibility. However, if the people, the majority, do not fight to solve problems in their community, no one else will. In history and in literature there are numerous examples of outstanding citizens who took responsibility and of the consequences that followed those who did not.
In the 1700s, America was bound to Great Britain. Britain, however, began to impose on the rights of the colonists. Although some rebelled, the British did not change their behavior. It was not until men of noble character, unafraid of any forthcoming consequences, took responsibility for the plight of their nation. Thomas Jefferson was one of those men. He, along with others, wrote the Declaration of Independence. Later, our Founding Fathers would write the Articles of Confederation, which would be the precedent to the Constitution of the United States. These men are the epitome of citizens who were willing to take a stand for their nation. Without them, who knows where the U.S. would be?
People must take responsibility for problems affecting their community. George Orwell's Animal Farm is a novel about farm animals who felt mistreated by their human caretakers. The animals rally together and overthrow their master. Once this is done, a select few of the animals use their charisma and persuasion to place themselves in positions of authority and power. Eventually, the animals' situation becomes worse than that of when they were with the humans. The animals in power abuse and take advantage of the others. However, none of the other animals decides to solve this problem. They allow their home to be infringed upon. Eventually, because of this, many of them die from starvation or are put to death. Orwell's lesson is clear: the people must be willing to take responsibility and fight for their community.
Tutelage is comforting, because others take care of things for us. Tutelage blinds us, however. We must not let comfort distort our vision. If there is a problem within our community or nation, people must be willing to take a stand.
Hi! You have a good essay. You have a great skill of using real world/historical observations to get your point across! I would give you a 4. I am not sure if its a compare and contrast essay. If it is a compare and contrast essay you deserve a 5. If the question is just the prompt you give us, I would say you should not rely so much on the examples to fill the essay. It is to the point I have no idea how you really feel about the matter, only what you show me through your examples. Good luck on the next draft! I hope this helps!
Hello,
I would give this a 5. Some of your points are a little weak. Please see my comments below.
Hope this helped
However, if the people, the majority, do not fight to solve problems in their community, no one else will.
In history and in literature there are numerous examples of outstanding citizens who took responsibility and of the consequences that followed those who did not.
at the end of your first main point, you can come back to the conclusion a little bit more. You ask what would our nation be without the Founding Fathers, but you don't go back to taking responsibility.
Also, I think the conclusion is a little off topic. The prompt does not ask about tutelage, so I would avoid that.
Tutelage is comforting, because others take care of things for us. Tutelage blinds us, however. We must not let comfort distort our vision. If there is a problem within our community or nation, people must be willing to take a stand.
